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Wednesday 10 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was supervising some kids, who were playing on a bouncy castle. One of them managed to kick me in the face during a jump, and looking for an apology, I asked, "What do you say?" He paused, then shouted, "HEADSHOTTTTT!" FML

#20587303
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46540) - you deserved it (19435) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/12/2013 at 8:14pm - kids - by xx-look-at-xx - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)

Today, I admitted to my parents that I'm a pathological liar and I would like to go get help. They didn't believe me, and told me stop making stuff up. FML

Today, I had phone sex with my boyfriend. He had an asthma attack. FML

#20592968
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62155) - you deserved it (11252)

On 04/15/2013 at 5:09am - intimacy - by JRLJLS (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. A few hours later, we discovered he's highly allergic to my Summer's Eve soap. He looks like he's been attacked by bees. Yay for losing my v-card. FML

#20597351
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50816) - you deserved it (7865)

On 04/16/2013 at 7:21pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home after working overtime to find my dog whining and giving me her "I need to take a shit" face. After changing my shoes, I came back ready to let her out, only to find her giving me the "I just took a shit on your rug" face. My husband has been home all day. FML

#20585168
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43662) - you deserved it (8217)

On 04/11/2013 at 3:38pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Shropshire)

Today, while at a hospital, a prayer group circled me and started praying that God and the good doctors and nurses would heal me from the disease that disfigured my face. I was there to visit my sick grandmother. FML

#20580194
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50544) - you deserved it (3489)

On 04/08/2013 at 2:12am - health - by chinatownhobo (man) - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)

Today, I baked my friend a cake for his 21st birthday. When I arrived at his house, his girlfriend, who hadn't made him anything, screamed at me for "making her look bad." She then took the cake, banned me from the party, and kicked me out. FML

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend once again that the dry skin she picks off her feet belong in the trash, not on our coffee table. FML

#20582191
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39319) - you deserved it (4296)

On 04/09/2013 at 1:58pm - misc - by FootFlakes (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my Romeo and Juliet style relationship hit an all time low when my boyfriend's parents filed a lawsuit against my parents. FML

#20585611
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48599) - you deserved it (6373)

On 04/11/2013 at 8:40pm - love - by Juliet (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to sell over $400 worth of china at a flea market. I barely got paid enough to refill my gas tank. FML

#20588597
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37846) - you deserved it (7661)

On 04/13/2013 at 6:53pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was working the night shift at the hotel. One of my tasks is to clean out the pool robot. While trying to pull it up, I got pulled in. I had to hide naked in the laundry room for an hour while I put my uniform through the dryer. FML

#20580594
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35091) - you deserved it (4100)

On 04/08/2013 at 12:56pm - work - by soakedga - United States (Georgia)

Today, my racist, homophobic, generally degenerate grandmother visited. Within 20 minutes, she uttered multiple racial slurs, said Robert Downey Jr. will burn in hell for playing a black man in one of his movies, and yelled that she'd "whip the piss" out of me, after I asked her to leave. FML

#20584991
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37887) - you deserved it (6021)

On 04/11/2013 at 1:16pm - misc - by no tea parties here, gran (man) - United States

Today, I got ancestry DNA tests for my parents and myself. The DNA testing company informed me that I'm a 50% match for my mother but I share no DNA with my father. Apparently, both my parents forgot that they used a sperm donor. This insignificant detail has slipped their minds for 35 years. FML

#20600180
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49802) - you deserved it (3163)

On 04/17/2013 at 6:56pm - misc - by Flora (woman) - United States (California)



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