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Wednesday 10 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, as I walked out of the local store, I noticed a young girl was sitting on the curb, crying. I nudged her with the Snickers bar I had bought earlier, thinking she needed it more than me. After looking at it, she yelled, "PEDOPHILE!", punched me in the balls, and then ran away screaming. FML

#20584129
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44615) - you deserved it (11483)

On 04/10/2013 at 8:45pm - kids - by Me - United States (California)

Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML

#20582197
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47566) - you deserved it (4898)

On 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was about to break up with my psycho girlfriend. As I sat her down, she told me she wanted to show me something. She then took off her shirt to reveal my name tattooed across her chest. FML

#20595753
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69750) - you deserved it (7375)

On 04/16/2013 at 3:23am - love - by guess I'm stuck - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she had drunkenly slept with another guy last night. Since she seemed genuinely upset, and had confessed right away, I decided to forgive her the slip-up. She then angrily broke up with me, because "if I really loved her, I would've been more angry." FML

#20596072
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69324) - you deserved it (12196)

On 04/16/2013 at 9:27am - intimacy - by notacaveman (man) - Netherlands

Today, I found out that my classmates hate me so much that they have a seating arrangement where people have to sit next to me on a rotating basis. A fight broke out yesterday because someone tried to skip their turn. FML

#20585229
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59227) - you deserved it (16513)

On 04/11/2013 at 4:21pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)

Today, for the first time, I told my girlfriend of two months that I love her. She broke down in laughter and mockingly asked, "What are you, some kind of queer?" I could've sworn she was mentally older than a 5-year-old when I asked her out. I guess not. FML

#20586776
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41927) - you deserved it (11344)

On 04/12/2013 at 5:35pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, my husband of 6 years said in a grave voice that he had some important news for me. Jokingly, I said, "Why, did you get that cute colleague of yours pregnant?" He did. FML

#20593773
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69142) - you deserved it (6164)

On 04/15/2013 at 2:36pm - love - by wow (woman) - Russian Federation (Saint Petersburg City)

Today, I went to a library to return a book that I've had for years. After a heated discussion with the librarian, not only did she charge me over a hundred dollars for the book, she also called the cops to escort me out. FML

#20595392
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23720) - you deserved it (42667)

On 04/16/2013 at 12:01am - money - by LoLWut?? nd Why?? - United States

Today, I was riding a new horse when a lawnmower starting up spooked her. She jumped straight up in the air and I landed directly on the saddle horn. I can't walk or feel anything between my legs. FML

#20583228
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39781) - you deserved it (3959)

On 04/10/2013 at 5:06am - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, is the day of the biggest concert in the state of Florida, and it's also my birthday. I was so excited to hear my mom got tickets. It was for her boyfriend and her. I'm stuck at home babysitting. FML

#20589773
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54719) - you deserved it (4098)

On 04/14/2013 at 9:29am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my halitosis was so bad that when I blew onto my solution in chemistry class, it reacted. FML

#20582010
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30487) - you deserved it (9772) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/09/2013 at 6:29am - health - by Anonymous - Sent from mobile version

Today, I found out that my daughter has been stuffing my push-up bras and lipstick into her backpack, putting them on at school, and taking them off before she gets home. She's 9. The only reason I found out is because her teacher reported me to social services. FML

#20582376
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50658) - you deserved it (4988)

On 04/09/2013 at 4:42pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, it's my 17th birthday, and the first birthday since my mother died, leaving me to live with my previously-absent father. He gave me pretzels and a laser pointer, and said, "Happy birthday, fuckstick". One more year. FML

#20581667
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63969) - you deserved it (3056)

On 04/09/2013 at 12:59am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada



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