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Today my boyfriend of 2 weeks said tat e was going to cook me dinner. After waiting 4 te frozen pizza tat e decided to make 4 me to be completely cooked e said ( O I ate tis part ) reaced into te oven wit is bare ands and took out te pizza allile screaming. He is 24. FML
Today, I refused to go down on my boyfriend of 9 months. He then shoved me off the couch and, half crying, yelled that I was the third girl this week to turn him down. After sobbing fir a bit, he looked me in the eyes and said, ( I need you to do this so I can prove my manhood. ) FML
Today, mah sister went into a blind rage at me fir "upstaging" looool her by announcing that I'm pregnant, two months after she did the same . My husband an I have been trying fir two years . She's in high school an doesn't even know who the father is . FML
Today, I played Call of Duty wit ma new flatmate. He continuously lost and was outraged tat a grl beat im. It resulted in im souting at me, claiming tat since I'm Muslim, I must be part of te Taliban,ic would explain ma gaming skills. FML
Today... I was dying mah hair a subtly different color. It was only supposed to turn mah hair a shade or two lighter... but it seems someone at the store thought it would be funny to switch the dye in the boxes around. My hair is purple.
Today, I was screamed at and told that I was denying someone's "second amendment" by not letting him through with a gun. I work at the border; he was trying to enter Canada. This is not the first time, and it probably won't be the last. FML
TODAY, AT WORK AS A GYNECOLOGIST, I CALLED IN MAH LAST PATIENT OF THE DAY . AS SOON AS I TOOK A PEEK, I NOTICED THAT SHE HAD STUCK GOOGLY-EYES ABOVE HER VAGINA . SHE TOLD ME WITH A STRAIGHT FACE NOT TO BE AFRAID, CUZ ( SHE DOESN'T BITE . ) FML
Today , as I walked out of the local store , I noticed a young girl was sitting on the curb , crying. I nudged her with the Snickers bar I had bought earlier , thinking she needed it more than me. After looking at it , she yelled , "PEDOPHILE!" , punched me in the balls , and then ran away screaming. fat FML
Friday 27 March 2015