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Monday 1 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML

#20576240
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46797) - you deserved it (4670)

On 04/05/2013 at 2:51pm - health - by what if I'm being eaten from the inside out? oh my god (man) - Singapore

Today, after paying for my groceries, I noticed that a bread-roll hadn't been charged. I felt guilty and went back to the register to pay for it. The cashier burst into derisive laughter and mockingly asked me if I was "running for Pope or something". FML

Today, I regretfully confessed to my parents I have trichotillomania. There was a torturous pause, followed by the question, "Are you gay?" FML

#20575858
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33189) - you deserved it (4894)

On 04/05/2013 at 7:23am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was trying out my first vibrator. Soon enough, my 12-year-old sister opened my door, walked in, and saw me naked from the waist down. She laughed, called me a virgin, and left. FML

#20574621
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56507) - you deserved it (18896)

On 04/04/2013 at 12:04pm - intimacy - by Ribbed for Her Disaster (woman) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, at the store, I noticed a girl eyeing a chocolate bunny. Her mom refused to buy it, saying they didn't have enough money. She started crying, so I decided to make her day and offered to buy it for her. Her mom reacted by slapping me across the face and calling me a "pedo." FML

#20576602
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48950) - you deserved it (8351)

On 04/05/2013 at 8:13pm - kids - by easteryegg (man) - United States (New York)

Today, while shopping for a birthday present for my size 0 friend, I picked out a pair of pants for her. When paying, the cashier looked me up and down and said, "Well, you're pretty optimistic aren't you?" FML

#20574572
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49567) - you deserved it (4101)

On 04/04/2013 at 11:12am - misc - by NotASize0 (woman) - Denmark

Today, I was proposed to, under the condition that I "get thin" first. FML

#20578323
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51216) - you deserved it (9657)

On 04/06/2013 at 11:19pm - love - by ziggers10 - United States

Today, it is my birthday. Since my parents are in the middle of a divorce, my mom thought it was perfectly reasonable to burn the gifts my dad got for me in the fireplace. FML

#20578709
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55234) - you deserved it (2801)

On 04/07/2013 at 5:19am - misc - by child of a crazed women (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my older brother walked in on me while I was wearing nothing but a bra, panties, pantyhose, and high heels. I'm his little brother. FML

#20572069
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24845) - you deserved it (70151)

On 04/02/2013 at 6:52pm - misc - by SayCheese - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I walked in on my husband eating cat food out of the cat bowl dressed in a cat costume. FML

#20577178
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55172) - you deserved it (6041)

On 04/06/2013 at 7:42am - misc - by confusedcatlover (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my sister gave my laptop away and dumped a pile of her hamster's turds on my bed. All of this because I flushed the toilet while she was in the shower last night. FML

#20573279
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43104) - you deserved it (6443)

On 04/03/2013 at 2:45pm - misc - by poop (man) -

Today, I got a letter from Yale law school saying I got a 4 year full scholarship. I called my dad crying and read the whole thing... even the bottom, which said, "April fools! Love mom and dad." FML

#20570035
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63103) - you deserved it (6294)

On 04/01/2013 at 1:46pm - misc - by madiison09 - United States

Today, I was buying condoms at Walmart. I grabbed the XL size, and the cashier commented, "Ahh, you'll definitely need a smaller size." FML

#20573161
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36119) - you deserved it (15118)

On 04/03/2013 at 12:57pm - misc - by nottoosmall - United States



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