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Saturday 10 December 2016

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Today, I found out why my biology class TA, who takes the class alongside the other students, was always so eager to collect my work. Turns out, she's been erasing my name on my papers and writing hers in all semester. My failing final grade has already been finalized. FML

by natural selection i guess / 12/09/2016 at 4:02am / Miscellaneous

Today, my fiancé completely missed the birth of our first child because he had started watching a new series on Netflix and really wanted to know how it ended. By the time he made it to the hospital our daughter was already 7 hours old. FML

by Alexandra / 12/08/2016 at 3:00pm / United Kingdom (Kirklees) / Health

Today, I requested to have the next Sunday off of my job in retail. Not only did my boss say that we're not allowed to ask for weekends off anymore, but I also have to work on another weekend that I requested off. I guess I'm not going to my sister's wedding. FML

by Jersey girl / 12/08/2016 at 2:58am / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I was giving my boyfriend oral sex when he pulled away without warning. As I looked up at him to see what was wrong, he screamed "JUSTICE RAINS FROM ABOVE!" and shot his load in my eyes. FML

by Junkrat / 12/08/2016 at 8:32am / Intimacy

Today whilst riding my brand new dirt bike for the first time, the chain broke and slashed me down the back of the left leg with such force that it chipped the bone. FML

by E_G_G_S_O_U_P / 12/08/2016 at 8:12am / Transportation

Today, after being neutered, my dog has managed to destroy three different "cones of shame", a special (and expensive) inflatable "donut" collar, and two t-shirts used as last resorts. I've essentially spent over $100 to unsuccessfully try keep my dog from licking his crotch. FML

by AnnoyedAggie16 / 12/05/2016 at 4:14am / United States (Texas) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, the guy I've been dating for 3 months told me he doesn't know how he feels about me because he's not excited when we meet and doesn't miss me when we don't text for a while. He decides to tell me this while we're laying in bed right after having sex for the first time. FML

by Her / 12/05/2016 at 12:01pm / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy

Today, I brought my best friend to the strip club as a birthday gift, as he had mentioned that he'd never been to one before. It might have been ruined by the discovery that his daughter had a new job. FML

by Natsert99 / 12/08/2016 at 9:02am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took my car to dealer because of the loud knocking sound I heard while driving it. Twenty-four hours later, they told me it was fixed. Fifteen minutes after I drove away, the tire flew off my car while I was on the highway. My car is now totaled. FML

by AnonymousOne / 12/08/2016 at 5:57am / Transportation

Today, is my first day as a student nurse. It was also the first day I learnt I was allergic to latex gloves. FML

by curiousminx / 12/05/2016 at 9:32pm / Australia (Queensland) / Work

Today, during sex, I somehow sneezed hard enough to really hurt my neck and shoulder. But don't worry, writhing in pain doesn't ruin the mood. My boyfriend just kept going. FML

by Anonymous / 12/08/2016 at 9:53am / Intimacy

Today, I finally found out why all three of my roommates were ignoring me. They like to disinfect everything every time they use it, and I don't. They had a problem with that, so they were hoping that by not talking to me, I'd "notice something was wrong and change." FML

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex in the same bed my dog pooped in because we were both too polite to ask the other person why they smelt like shit. FML

by Anonymous / 12/05/2016 at 1:22pm / Intimacy