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Friday 28 August 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my husband and I locked our keys in the car. Our only spare is in the drawer with all our sex toys. So we either had to get our oldest go in the drawer and get them to bring to us or walk the 12 miles home. My feet will never recover from that walk. FML

#21459919
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14534) - you deserved it (19892)

On 08/24/2015 at 12:25am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I spent the day sobbing in my bedroom and talking shit about him on Facebook after blocking him. He ended up changing his mind and calling me, asking me to take him back. Now I have to awkwardly explain to everyone that we're back together. FML

#21460859
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7515) - you deserved it (30620)

On 08/26/2015 at 6:25am - love - by chiara (woman) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, my cousin's husband argued adamantly that the Earth doesn't rotate, and treated me like an idiot when I explained why he was wrong. Not even a video from space of the Earth rotating convinced him. This idiot is a teacher. FML

#21460521
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23470) - you deserved it (1406)

On 08/25/2015 at 1:33pm - misc - by Schizomaniac (man) - United States

Today, due to medication I am taking that causes constipation, I have become all too accustomed to using a disposable rubber glove to dig crap out of my own butthole. FML

#21461256
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14869) - you deserved it (1218)

On 08/27/2015 at 6:56am - health - by jack - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my husband told me that he is done having sex because it eats up his online gaming time. FML

#21460573
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20454) - you deserved it (2129)

On 08/25/2015 at 3:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I got stuck in the elevator at work. When I was finally let out, my boss decided I shouldn't get a lunch break, because I'd already had over an hour off work while in the elevator. I had to starve through 5 more hours of work. FML

#21460168
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21958) - you deserved it (1399)

On 08/24/2015 at 5:28pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Italy (Liguria)

Today, is my five year anniversary. My boyfriend said he was gonna get me something shiny this year. I thought he was gonna propose. He got me a set of sparkle glue. FML

#21460828
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19854) - you deserved it (2527)

On 08/26/2015 at 3:45am - love - by Anonymous - India (West Bengal)

Today, I had my daughter babysit her 2-year-old brother while I went out with my husband. I told her not to let him out of her sight. She certainly did as I said; when I tuned into our internet-enabled baby monitor, I heard her and some guy having sex in the room. FML

#21460833
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18774) - you deserved it (1939)

On 08/26/2015 at 4:04am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I spent an hour trying to sleep before work, but I couldn't because my two dogs wouldn't stop barking. Completely pissed off, I finally went and told the little fuck nuggets to shut the shit up. I was then immediately knocked unconscious by the burglar in my house. FML

Today, I was lying on a couch, reading, when I noticed a spindly leg poking round the corner of my book. Upon realising it was a spider, I calmly and rationally threw my book across the room, breaking the TV. FML

#21459977
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18039) - you deserved it (7855)

On 08/24/2015 at 4:46am - misc - by Annie (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, the boy that I met online six months ago and expressed my love to sent me a picture of himself and confessed how old he really was: thirteen. I'm eighteen years old and holding a steady job. FML

#21460634
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17805) - you deserved it (6005)

On 08/25/2015 at 6:38pm - love - by FlyAwayPlease (woman) - United Kingdom (Flintshire)

Today, while in line at the supermarket, I told the lady behind me that she had a cute baby. She shot me a disgusted look and straight up accused me of being a pedophile. FML

#21460397
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20978) - you deserved it (1380)

On 08/25/2015 at 2:49am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, a fifth grader gave me a note from his "father" excusing him from PE. It was riddled with spelling errors and shockingly poor grammar, so I rejected it as a blatant fake. Several hours later, I was informed by his very angry father that it wasn't actually fake. FML

#21460557
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21701) - you deserved it (2962)

On 08/25/2015 at 3:22pm - kids - by shit.jpg (man) - United States (Massachusetts)



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