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April 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was playing Monopoly with my extended family. When my wife came home, she kicked me out of the game and took all my money and property. When I said she couldn't do that, she said "Sure I can. It's called divorce." Everyone laughed. Now I'm bored as hell, watching everyone else play. FML

#21395300
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18681) - you deserved it (2183)

On 04/17/2015 at 4:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I picked up a rock outside and put it in my pocket because it looked cool. A teacher holding the door open stopped me and sent me to the principal. I was confused and asked the teacher why the strict action. She replied that someone has been putting rocks in the toilet. I got a detention. FML

#21386851
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28277) - you deserved it (2505)

On 04/03/2015 at 2:08am - misc - by overreacting - United States (Missouri)

Today, I had a date over for the first time since I moved out. I made a beautiful dinner… for one of us. I'm so used to cooking for just myself that I only made one serving. FML

#21387713
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26598) - you deserved it (9396)

On 04/04/2015 at 8:44pm - love - by :/ - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I got trapped in my building's elevator for over an hour, with my dog who I had been rushing outside with because he had explosive diarrhea. FML

#21391716
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31788) - you deserved it (2463)

On 04/11/2015 at 8:12am - animals - by Crappy - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I heard my 2-year-old sister crying, so I left my room to comfort her. She looked at me, held my hand, escorted me back to my room and closed the door. FML

#21392817
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28133) - you deserved it (2529)

On 04/13/2015 at 6:46am - kids - by transcendingnerd (man) - Philippines (Manila)

Today, I went to the dentist for the first time in years. His first comment upon inspecting my teeth: "Meth. Hell of a drug." FML

#21395729
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6390) - you deserved it (2103)

On 04/18/2015 at 12:45pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after getting a pay raise at work after 15 years and pulling a loan for a new house, I went back to work from a two-week paid vacation to find out that I had been fired two weeks ago for "no call, no show". My manager claims he doesn't recall ever signing a paper for my paid vacation. FML

Today, I went to feed my neighbors' chickens while they were on vacation. I noticed the TV on inside, so I peeked in to see if the place was being messed with. Guess who found the neighbor home early, fully naked, and jerking off. FML

#21393386
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27246) - you deserved it (2878)

On 04/14/2015 at 4:33am - intimacy - by Lebac - United States (Washington)

Today, I was called a fascist and accused of being "racist" against poor people, all because some crazy meth-mouthed bitch couldn't afford some booze and expected me to cut the price by almost 40% so she could. FML

#21392314
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26075) - you deserved it (1841)

On 04/12/2015 at 11:18am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I had to give a presentation at school about King Richard III. I realized too late that someone had changed his name to "King Dick" on all the slides. My little sister later broke into hysterics and confessed this had been her April Fool's prank. FML

#21386448
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27559) - you deserved it (2484)

On 04/02/2015 at 10:21am - misc - by King.Dick. (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I used an air freshener in my room to make it smell good. At first, the smell was pretty pleasant. However, by the time it'd "soaked in" it smelled just like weed. My whole room stinks of it, and now my mum is convinced I've been smoking pot in my room. FML

#21387075
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24648) - you deserved it (3294)

On 04/03/2015 at 3:05pm - misc - by HtotheFtotheS - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, I went to a job interview. It would have been fine if I had remembered it was over the phone, and not in person. I drove two hours. FML

Today, I coughed so hard that I fractured two ribs. FML

#21395325
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19198) - you deserved it (1474)

On 04/17/2015 at 5:47pm - health - by rachlette (woman) - United States (Washington)



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