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May 2016

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Today, I paid 60 dollars for my senior yearbook. They forgot to put me in it. FML

by N / 05/20/2016 at 4:22pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I babysat a kid who was such a bratty little prick that I actually considered walking out on the job. After his mom finally got home 4 hours later, he called her a slut. When he got in trouble for it, he claimed that I taught him the word. Needless to say, I didn't get paid. FML

by Anonymous / 05/21/2016 at 12:27am / Australia (Victoria) / Kids

Today, a TV crew filmed my house for a real estate show. They got an actor to pretend he owned the place but wanted to move. The host kept saying how shit my house is, and while talking about me with his producer, he said "Know how I know he ain't a fag? Fags can actually decorate." FML

by Anonymous / 05/18/2016 at 10:50am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend, who I'm moving in with, flew up to drive from Pennsylvania to Texas, where she lives, with me. I went to the airport to pick her up and we discovered she accidentally flew to the wrong airport. On the other side of the state. I'm driving through the night to rescue her. FML

by LongDriveNoSleep / 05/24/2016 at 6:38am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at a mini arcade and accidentally put a hundred dollar bill through the quarter machine. FML

by aianmoo16 / 05/01/2016 at 5:52pm / United States (Illinois) / Money

Today, I went to buy some frozen yogurt. I filled up a cup and the cashier rung it up. The total price was $6.92. I only had $5 in my wallet. So I gave her the $5 bill and went to my car to get more money. Little did I know, there was no money in my car. So I drove off. Leaving the $5 behind. FML

by Broke Bitch / 05/05/2016 at 5:48pm / United States (Alabama) / Money

Today, a boy kissed me for the first time. He then blocked me on Facebook. FML

by RandomJam124 / 05/04/2016 at 5:33pm / United States (New York) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I thought it would be nice to take my obese dog for a walk, since she hasn't had one in a long time. She was doing great, until we were about a mile from our house. She plopped down on the ground and wouldn't move. Nobody was home so I had to carry her all the way back to our house. FML

by SoulStormIV / 05/11/2016 at 11:03pm / United States (Colorado) / Animals

Today, my boyfriend was extremely angry. He found a naked photograph of me online that he thought I'd been sending to other guys. It wasn't me. FML

by Anonymous / 05/12/2016 at 3:32am / United Kingdom / Geek

Today, I finally got my screaming, teething, 1-year-old daughter down for a nap to hopefully get some work done. The second I opened my laptop, FedEx dropped off a package and rang the doorbell. My dog went nuts. Then my neighbor rang the doorbell to let me know I had a package. My daughter's awake now. FML

by ryzzostar / 05/25/2016 at 3:50pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my husband was being obnoxious, so I jokingly sprayed him with the dish hose. The floor got wet, and he slipped and busted his knees. Our daughter rushed over to him to see if he was okay, then slipped and busted her head on the floor. FML

by Anonymous / 05/27/2016 at 3:09pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, I was at work when a customer came up to me and asked where and what I used to get my tan. I'm Indian. FML

by shrutisoma / 05/12/2016 at 12:54am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, I heard on television that a body was found in my city's water reservoir. Word is that it was dead for over a week. I've been drinking and showering with that water. FML

by filipkm / 05/06/2016 at 10:37am / Slovenia (Ljubljana) / Health