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May 2016

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Today, I was at a mini arcade and accidentally put a hundred dollar bill through the quarter machine. FML

by aianmoo16 / 05/01/2016 at 5:52pm / United States (Illinois) / Money

Today, I went to buy some frozen yogurt. I filled up a cup and the cashier rung it up. The total price was $6.92. I only had $5 in my wallet. So I gave her the $5 bill and went to my car to get more money. Little did I know, there was no money in my car. So I drove off. Leaving the $5 behind. FML

by Broke Bitch / 05/05/2016 at 5:48pm / United States (Alabama) / Money

Today, I paid 60 dollars for my senior yearbook. They forgot to put me in it. FML

by N / 05/20/2016 at 4:22pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, a boy kissed me for the first time. He then blocked me on Facebook. FML

by RandomJam124 / 05/04/2016 at 5:33pm / United States (New York) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend was extremely angry. He found a naked photograph of me online that he thought I'd been sending to other guys. It wasn't me. FML

by Anonymous / 05/12/2016 at 3:32am / United Kingdom / Geek

Today, I thought it would be nice to take my obese dog for a walk, since she hasn't had one in a long time. She was doing great, until we were about a mile from our house. She plopped down on the ground and wouldn't move. Nobody was home so I had to carry her all the way back to our house. FML

by SoulStormIV / 05/11/2016 at 11:03pm / United States (Colorado) / Animals

Today, I heard on television that a body was found in my city's water reservoir. Word is that it was dead for over a week. I've been drinking and showering with that water. FML

by filipkm / 05/06/2016 at 10:37am / Slovenia (Ljubljana) / Health

Today, a motorist yelled at me for texting and driving. I was too ashamed to admit that I'd been admiring the booger I just picked from my nose. FML

by lohandork / 05/22/2016 at 1:33pm / United Kingdom (Wandsworth) / Transportation

Today, I was at work when a customer came up to me and asked where and what I used to get my tan. I'm Indian. FML

by shrutisoma / 05/12/2016 at 12:54am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, I worked up the courage to ask out the girl I liked. I got her a nice bracelet for her birthday and asked her on a date when I gave it to her. "Aww, you're so sweet!" was the response to the gift. Her response to the date proposal? "Wait, you aren't gay?" FML

by Failsafe / 05/09/2016 at 10:35am / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, after spending $120 to have a bouquet of flowers delivered to my mom, she called to complain that I had forgotten about her for Mother's day, but also praise my sister for apparently receiving my flowers I sent at the door and passing them off as hers. FML

by Alex / 05/08/2016 at 3:12pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, at work, the shopping carts have coin locks on them so people put them back or don't go stealing them. A lady couldn't find a coin, so I unlocked one with my key and said to her, "It doesn't look like you will run off and steal it" as a joke. She replied, "I can't run darling, I have an artificial leg." FML

by TrolleyCollector / 05/13/2016 at 5:10am / Australia (Victoria) / Work

Today, I found out I owe the IRS over $2,000 because of a mistake they made. Their "apology" basically amounted to "Oops, our bad. Now pay up or you're gonna be Bubba's new bitch." FML

by Anonymous / 05/11/2016 at 11:53am / United States (Michigan) / Money