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July 2016

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Today, it's so insanely hot that no matter how often I shower or use deodorant the smell of my armpits makes me feel physically sick. FML

by Need To Bathe In Deodorant / 07/17/2016 at 3:23pm / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out the German I've been learning for nearly a month is a dialect only spoken by people in a small area of the country. This means I'll need to re-learn most of what I thought I knew. FML

by Xerfox / 07/03/2016 at 2:05pm / Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg) / Miscellaneous

Today, my brother set me up on a blind date. I've been single for years and he said she was a perfect match for me, so I was excited. Turned out the fucker was playing a prank. The girl was my sister, who was just as surprised as I was. FML

by Anonymous / 07/02/2016 at 9:39am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, like every year, my next-door neighbors started setting off their fireworks at exactly midnight. Also, like every year, the sensitive car alarm belonging to another neighbor has gone off with every firework. It's been almost six hours of nonstop alarms and explosions. FML

by TooNoisy4Me / 07/04/2016 at 5:46am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned that my friends nicknamed me Snow White, not because I’ve got dark hair and very pale skin, but because I “only hook up with tiny dudes”. FML

by Jioune / 07/05/2016 at 5:56pm / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Love

Today, I found out that my wife sheds worse than a husky when she showers. I've had to clean the drain before I shower or it floods the bathroom floorrrrr. FML

by married to a bipedal husky / 07/12/2016 at 5:52pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I was heading out for my flight to Australia. I'd put a padlock on my luggage to keep my wallet and passport safe, only to realize way too late that I'd left the key at home. I couldn't get at my passport and ended up missing my flight and my whole vacation along with it. FML

by Anonymous / 07/23/2016 at 12:17am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, when confronting my boyfriend about slapping a random girl's ass in the club, he claimed: "There was a mosquito on it." FML

by aurora320 / 07/19/2016 at 3:50pm / United Kingdom (Bournemouth) / Love

Today, my parents are forcing me to take my brother with me when I hang out with my friends. This wouldn't be that weird if my brother wasn't 26. FML

by swervelol / 07/04/2016 at 3:16pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my parents were supposed to take me out to eat for my birthday, but since their favorite child wasn't with us, I instead got a mini order of tots from Sonic as my birthday meal/present. FML

by Bestbirthday / 07/11/2016 at 9:04pm / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, I got lost in Darkfall Passage in Skyrim and got so frustrated I turned off the game and cried. Thank you pregnancy hormones. FML

by SkyrimGamerMoM / 07/14/2016 at 3:49pm / United States (North Dakota) / Geek

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I'm so broke that I had to get a refund for my unopened hummus, just so I'd be able to afford the bus fare to get to work tomorrow. FML

by Sarcasmo / 07/12/2016 at 4:04pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Money

Today, I was told I couldn't walk across the stage at my graduation because I owe money to lunch services. I owe 14 cents from my freshman year. FML

by AnimalWorld / 07/03/2016 at 12:57pm / United States (New York) / Money

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.