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May 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I found out my wife confided in a coworker that she wants to sleep with him, because our marriage is loveless and sexless. News to me. FML

#21410043
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29471) - you deserved it (2661)

On 05/14/2015 at 2:59pm - intimacy - by semokco (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. My mom's reaction was, I shit you not, to tell me to "walk it off". FML

#21403286
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28542) - you deserved it (2356)

On 05/02/2015 at 5:59am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was finishing my chest workout at the gym when this really cute girl started using the machine next to me. To impress her, I tried lifting a lot of weight on the barbell. It ended up landing on my neck and she had to help me get it off. FML

#21411484
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13184) - you deserved it (29416)

On 05/17/2015 at 1:53pm - health - by Idle_Twin - United States (Florida)

Today, I found my bike that was stolen a week ago in front of someone's house. Now this wouldn't have been a problem if my husband didn't steal it to go meet with his girlfriend. FML

#21404242
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32469) - you deserved it (2188)

On 05/04/2015 at 12:04am - misc - by double trouble -

Today, my friends told me they will be unable to attend my birthday party on Friday because they'll be watching the Vampire Diaries finale. FML

#21409757
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27066) - you deserved it (3005)

On 05/13/2015 at 10:55pm - misc - by Muralove (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, 2 years into our relationship, my boyfriend's parents still have no idea about me. FML

Today, I heard a loud beep for over an hour. It didn't come from my phone or even an alarm of some sort. It was my son pretending to be a smoke alarm. FML

Today, at my house party, I caught my boyfriend having sex with my best friend. His excuse? He wanted to be better in bed for me. FML

#21402521
106 comments

Today, I was fired for not asking a senior citizen for proof that he was over 21 and legally allowed to purchase alcohol. When I told my manager he was clearly over 21, he replied, "But what if he WASN'T?" FML

#21412440
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29527) - you deserved it (3076)

On 05/19/2015 at 7:43am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I finally found a bug I had been trying to get rid of. When I removed my bra, I noticed what looked like a piece of bug on it. Apparently, the bug was flattened and suffocated by my boob the entire day. FML

#21414219
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23501) - you deserved it (2338)

On 05/22/2015 at 10:26pm - misc - by Kurda (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, a new employee started at our office. She's about 18, barely does any work, chews gum loudly, has no manners, and happens to sit right next to me. She also threatens to report me for harassment whenever I politely ask her to not bash my chair with the back of her chair. FML

#21413003
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27912) - you deserved it (1904)

On 05/20/2015 at 12:17pm - work - by Anonymous - Cyprus (Paphos)

Today, one of my regulars came up to my car in the parking lot. We talked through the window while I put on my makeup. He then asked for a hug because he won't be in for two weeks. I obliged and he was kind enough to slide his hand between my legs. He then gave me $50 not to tell his wife. FML

Today, my window broke and will not close. My room is in a wooded area. I've already chased out two squirrels and a bird and it's only been an hour. I'm afraid I'm gonna wake up like Snow White with all sorts of wildlife sleeping with me. FML



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