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April 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend turned down a job that would have more than doubled his income because he didn't want to upset his current boss by quitting. FML

Today, I sat and watched the CEO of DreamWorks on TV misuse words such as "quantum". He's filthy rich, whereas I'm a savagely underpaid gardener. FML

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I met online. Not only was he boring, he twice excused himself to go to the bathroom and both times he came back smelling of weed. FML

#21101191
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36154) - you deserved it (5342)

On 03/31/2014 at 6:05pm - love - by Jaime - United States (New York)

Today, a customer threw his hot coffee all over me, because it was taking "too long" for their credit card to be approved. FML

Today, my students all handed in their 1,000 word papers. The assignment was for them to write about a strong, benevolent leader who influenced the world. Around half of the papers were about Hitler. FML

#21102694
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38108) - you deserved it (8653)

On 04/02/2014 at 7:30am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I found out that the squeaking I've heard for the past three months, that I thought was my guinea pig, is actually my girlfriend cheating on me with my older brother. FML

#21105078
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54021) - you deserved it (4874)

On 04/05/2014 at 10:27am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my girlfriend and I were snuggling and we placed our hands together, palm to palm. I can bend the tips of my fingers over hers, which apparently surprised her because she commented, "Huh, so big hands AREN'T related to penis size." FML

#21101616
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44881) - you deserved it (5147)

On 04/01/2014 at 2:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I met up with an old friend of mine who acts in a TV show. I hadn't seen him in a long time, but I'd been watching episodes of the show almost daily, so when he showed up I could only see him as his TV character and not as my friend. I ended up calling him by his character's name. FML

#21114249
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35354) - you deserved it (10668)

On 04/16/2014 at 12:13am - misc - by Confused (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after months of being on anti-depression medication and feeling very little emotionally, I finally felt some joy. Sadly it was from completely crushing my husband in an argument he started, where he claimed ketchup is a vegetable. FML

#21107568
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33685) - you deserved it (3966)

On 04/08/2014 at 12:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Italy (Veneto)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky, and I whispered that I love him. He immediately lost his boner, and a few minutes later "remembered" he had to be somewhere else. FML

#21111270
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39498) - you deserved it (5805)

On 04/12/2014 at 5:01pm - animals - by princess (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was being shown how to use a nail gun while applying for a job at a construction company. The instructor shot me in the arm with it. I didn't even get the job. FML

#21107174
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42116) - you deserved it (2748)

On 04/07/2014 at 10:13pm - work - by watch_corn_dance - United States (Illinois)

Today, I walked in on my brother shaving his nuts, all while giggling like a maniac and seemingly high out of his mind. FML

#21117346
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25344) - you deserved it (2842)

On 04/19/2014 at 5:26pm - misc - by burnmyeyes (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had to rush my 14-year-old son to the hospital after he fell out of a tree while trying to take an obnoxious "extreme selfie". FML

#21102110
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41513) - you deserved it (4730)

On 04/01/2014 at 5:41pm - kids - by derped-out sperm (man) - Ireland



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