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September 2016

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Today, my husband complained about my lack of sex drive. Gee, I wonder why Mr. "Always comes first by humping for a whopping 30 seconds." FML

by Undersexed / 09/14/2016 at 6:01pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, it's my birthday. I told my boyfriend I wanted to feel special even if for just one day. He said he would do the laundry for me. FML

by Deaf Dumb & Blonde / 09/01/2016 at 5:17pm / United States / Love

Today, I went to work early and saw my crush's car in the parking lot, so I parked next to her. After that, I looked over at her car to see her staring at me with a weird look and her saying, "Really?" Then she gestured around the lot; I looked around to find it completely empty. FML

by Asshole Parker / 09/06/2016 at 7:01am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I found a thong at my boyfriend's house. When I confronted him about it, he panicked and claimed it was his mom's. Right. FML

by I'm out / 09/06/2016 at 1:02pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous

Today, marks the third time this month my parents came to visit. I moved 5 hours away to get away from them. FML

by AlwaysTired / 09/14/2016 at 10:57am / United States / Transportation

Today, my workplace instituted a policy in which employees must stop and write down what they are doing every fifteen minutes. FML

by Gottabekidding / 09/08/2016 at 8:33pm / United States (Oregon) / Work

Today, my bitch of a boss sent out a group text saying she'd had a chainsaw accident and lost the tips of 4 of her fingers and would be out indefinitely. When I told my boyfriend, his immediate response was to grab my phone and reply "I'm stumped, I don't know what to say." She hasn't responded yet. FML

by 4fingerdiscount / 09/13/2016 at 7:07am / United States (Tennessee) / Work

Today, after evicting my roommate for excessively not abiding by the lease agreements, he thought he could get back at me by sending me a video of my sister giving him head. FML

by livingonmyownfromnowon / 09/13/2016 at 2:38am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend of over a year said that being in a relationship is pointless. When I responded that I couldn't picture my life without him, he said he couldn't picture his life without our cat. FML

by Rosie / 09/06/2016 at 8:13am / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, after years in a relationship I realized that my partner does not like the music I listen to, the food I cook, the pictures I take, the way I dress. The only thing she likes is when I take her out to eat. FML

by mymidlifecrisis / 09/08/2016 at 12:53am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I missed out on my first cooking lesson because I was an hour late. I cannot go to the rest of them because if you don't attend the first class then you are not allowed to attend the rest. I just spent $70 on a cooking course that I won't be able to attend. FML

by That Person / 09/13/2016 at 8:11pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, whilst in a dressing room trying on some new clothes, I experienced the sheer terror of having someone fling a pair of dirty panties over the stall wall only to make off with some stolen ones, whilst you're still standing there in shock staring at another woman's dirty underwear. FML

by grossed out / 09/21/2016 at 5:21am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, my roommate gave us an hour's notice that she'd be babysitting her 4 youngest siblings in our apartment for an unspecified time. After hours of them running around, intruding, breaking things and one severely injuring himself on our furniture, it turns out they are staying the night. FML

by colibricorolla / 09/04/2016 at 2:16am / United States (North Carolina) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.