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May 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I started my day off with a relaxing cup of coffee, the morning paper, and the sound of my mother informing me I will be going to hell for being not believing in God. FML

#21417394
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20157) - you deserved it (3695)

On 05/29/2015 at 12:16am - misc - by idonthavereligion (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my girlfriend threatened to break up with me because I crossed the street without holding her hand. FML

#21417560
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19279) - you deserved it (2380)

On 05/29/2015 at 11:05am - love - by GlueAndCarrots - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got hit on by an attractive young doctor. After talking for a while we realized that we recognized each other but couldn't figure out how. Then he remembered. He was the one who'd delivered my 10 1/2 lb baby 7 months ago. I stood out because my vag tore worse than anything he'd ever seen. FML

Today, I saw my uncle, whom I have not seen in five years, at a family gathering. His reaction to seeing me? "Holy SHIT you have BOOBS! The guys must be all over you!" I awkwardly replied, "No..." Then he muttered, "I know I would." FML

Today, my mother yelled at me, telling me I'm irresponsible and lecturing me on how I need to "plan ahead like an adult." All because I asked to borrow a tampon. FML

#21408920
132 comments

Today, my fiancée called off our wedding at the last moment, because her neurotic sister thinks she's "too fat" to be the maid of honor, and says she needs several months to lose weight. So that's a few thousand dollars wasted. My fiancée says I'm "overreacting" and that I "just don't get it". FML

#21407311
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33333) - you deserved it (2722)

On 05/09/2015 at 3:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams. I could tell she really enjoyed it, because she muttered "Well, that was disappointing." afterwards, then got dressed, said she'd made a huge mistake, and asked me not to call her again. Yep, total stud. FML

#21403147
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32676) - you deserved it (3400)

On 05/01/2015 at 10:22pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up in my living room after having a party. I then realized my fish tank with many different species was missing from its usual spot. After searching for a few minutes, I finally found it in the freezer. FML

#21415477
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25529) - you deserved it (7093)

On 05/25/2015 at 12:10pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my cat has decided she can't eat unless I'm right there with her, so when she gets hungry she finds me and howls until I follow her to her food dish. She likes to eat pretty frequently, and I'm already getting a headache. FML

Today, was my first experience having sex. It was also my first experience with a condom breaking. FML

#21413990
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30368) - you deserved it (3834)

On 05/22/2015 at 12:27pm - intimacy - by Vexatious - United States (North Carolina)

Today, one of my students tried to bribe me $200 to change his grade. When I said no and told him he was lucky I didn't report him, he went to the dean and told him I offered to change his grade for money. I'm now suspended and under investigation. FML

#21416617
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31555) - you deserved it (2704)

On 05/27/2015 at 12:25pm - work - by UN4 (man) - United States

Today, my brother and I had a long argument. He believes wholeheartedly that pineapples are not actually fruits, but berries. When I showed him a google search, he accused me of "faking" it. FML

#21410455
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23344) - you deserved it (3464)

On 05/15/2015 at 9:58am - misc - by Anon - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I bought an expensive video game and decided to show it off and post a photo of it on Instagram. When I got home to play it, it rejected my activation key. I then realised it was showing in the Instagram post. FML

#21411390
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12122) - you deserved it (42230)

On 05/17/2015 at 9:09am - misc - by PISSED OFF - Australia



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  • It's the weekend so let's plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time. Sorry, I was channelling Bill Hicks there. I'll start again. Hi everyone, how are you doing? This week…

Friday 29 May 2015

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