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May 2016

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Today, the elderly lady I work for got mad at me, all because I wouldn't feed her imaginary friend. FML

by LoveTheElder / 05/10/2016 at 9:38pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, my cat refuses to drink from any source of water that isn't the toilet. FML

by Anonymous / 05/18/2016 at 1:55am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I went on a coffee date with a man I met online. His "friend" had tagged along. We were having a good conversation, until the friend pulls out his laptop and says, "So let me tell you a little bit about our travel business," and talked about a pyramid scheme for an hour. FML

by Maddi / 05/03/2016 at 10:55pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I returned from a week long vacation in Aruba. After 10 hours of travel and 3 flights, I was walking to my car at the airport, excited to finally get home, only to realize I left my car keys, apartment keys, and work keys at the resort. FML

by kaleemuller / 05/03/2016 at 11:50am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had my first real break from work in ages, so I decided to go hiking. Less than 20 minutes in, I tumbled a couple hundred feet down a steep hill, broke my leg and several toes, and lay there in agony for an eternity before I was finally rescued. FML

by Anonymous / 05/15/2016 at 10:03am / United States (Oregon) / Health

Today, I went to get a haircut. The guy next to me was in an Army uniform and had requested a short buzz cut. My stylist had to take a call, so another came out and there must've been a miscommunication, but by then, she was already fast at work. Guess who got stuck with the other guy's haircut. FML

by Buzzed_Head9 / 05/16/2016 at 10:58pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my mattress has gotten so old and trashed that I was woken up by two springs ripping through my bed sheets and stabbing me in the leg and abdomen. FML

by gavthewarealpaca / 05/16/2016 at 5:36am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, we took an AP exam for Literature. One of the passages was about keeping in feelings in a relationship so that no one is "a burden". My boyfriend read the same passage and felt like he was a burden. I can't convince him otherwise. Thank you college board for endangering my relationship. FML

by welp / 05/22/2016 at 4:22pm / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, I had to deal with a snobby rich woman who asked me to cure her daughter's "unhealthy obsession" with playing outside instead of watching TV with the rest of the family. She called me a liar when I said playing outside is a normal thing for a 6 year-old child to do. FML

by anonymous / 05/01/2016 at 1:59pm / United States / Work

Today, the family I was serving had ordered calamari and when I brought out the food, they started yelling at me because apparently their daughter was allergic to it. Just why would you order it then? FML

by why / 05/02/2016 at 4:08pm / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, I was so exhausted that I took a quick nap on the floor of my classroom during one of my free periods. I must have turned off the alarm I set, because I was gently woken up to the giggles of a whole class of students. To make matters worse, I was lying in a big puddle of my own drool. FML

by SorrowsReward / 05/06/2016 at 7:08am / South Africa (Western Cape) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I'm getting a medical scan, so I had to drink a barium shake for breakfast. It was so disgusting that I puked it back up. Now I have to drink another one. FML

by 1942Ford / 05/07/2016 at 10:08am / United States (California) / Health

Today, my father bought a pair of fancy noise cancelling headphones. He doesn't realise that the noise cancelling function only slightly muffles the moaning and screaming in the porn he's watching. FML

by Char-azard / 05/17/2016 at 5:03am / New Zealand (Hawke's Bay) / Miscellaneous