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May 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my girlfriend and I somehow got into the conversation of what the weirdest thing we have ever found in food was. She said she found paper in her fortune cookie; she was serious. FML

#21406274
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28524) - you deserved it (2497)

On 05/07/2015 at 3:52pm - misc - by Random737193 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my brother babysat for me. He invited his girlfriend around without me knowing, and they were all playing hide and seek together. While he and his girl were hiding, they decided to have a quickie. My three year old found them and saw everything. She won't stop copying their sex noises. FML

#21412889
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32509) - you deserved it (2568)

On 05/20/2015 at 4:45am - intimacy - by wtf bro (man) - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)

Today, my boyfriend complained that I only respond to his flirtations with exasperation and annoyance. Apparently, grunting and humping my leg like an ill-mannered dog while I'm trying to wash dishes is his way of flirting. FML

#21405919
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29304) - you deserved it (3154)

On 05/06/2015 at 10:12pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got a text saying I was "banned" from a volunteer group by the vice chair. Why? Because him dumping me the night before and leaving me in the bar alone drunk and crying wasn't enough for him, apparently. FML

#21410356
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28046) - you deserved it (2332)

On 05/15/2015 at 1:40am - love - by bluestripedsockm - United States (California)

Today, my obsessive-compulsive mother barred me from using the toilet she had just cleaned. She told me to wait until tomorrow. FML

#21406668
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27460) - you deserved it (1809)

On 05/08/2015 at 8:46am - misc - by MedChew (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, I sleep during the day because I work nights. My neighbors have a very loud wedding and reception in their backyard including a live mariachi band. FML

#21414664
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24371) - you deserved it (2877)

On 05/23/2015 at 10:38pm - misc - by Vlen (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boyfriend told me that we wouldn't move in together as we had planned to do for a long time. His mother forbade it. He is 27. FML

#21407402
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26558) - you deserved it (2567)

On 05/09/2015 at 7:03pm - love - by forever alone (woman) - Germany (Thuringen)

Today, I got so used to using this FML app while going to the bathroom that when I opened it, I accidentally peed a little. FML

#21415171
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23609) - you deserved it (9325)

On 05/24/2015 at 9:14pm - misc - by Anon - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend decided to suddenly stop in the middle of sex, just as I was actually starting to enjoy myself, just to bear hug me and exclaim, "Crikey, she's angry!" in the voice of Steve Irwin. He laughed so hard at his own joke that he went soft and couldn't continue. FML

#21410853
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29282) - you deserved it (2756)

On 05/16/2015 at 5:11am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Aberdeen City)

Today, I came home to find my dad drinking. Trying to be cheerful, I greeted him with a "Hi, dad!" He sighed, shook his head, and said "It hurts me when you call me that." FML

#21410667
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30158) - you deserved it (1995)

On 05/15/2015 at 7:55pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to fart next to my brother in the car. Apparently, his carsickness is exacerbated by strong smells. I now know what it feels like to have lap full of vomit. FML

#21406695
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13120) - you deserved it (34816)

On 05/08/2015 at 9:51am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, it was hot out, so I wore shorts. My dad took one look at me and said, "Your thighs are so pale, it's like staring into the sun". FML

#21413979
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22420) - you deserved it (2705)

On 05/22/2015 at 11:55am - misc - by xolaurennnn - United States

Today, I realized I get more pleasure watching YouTube videos of people lighting their farts on fire than I do from making love to my husband. FML

#21403333
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25039) - you deserved it (6039)

On 05/02/2015 at 10:23am - intimacy - by wellfuck (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)



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