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July 2016

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Today, while meeting a new client, their assistant said I looked familiar. Before my brain could stop me, I blurted out, "I do porn." FML

by Foot In Mouth / 07/12/2016 at 10:46pm / United States (Arkansas) / Work

Today, I asked one of my teachers to write me a letter of recommendation for my top school. Even though I did fairly well in their class, I found out that they don't think that I'm very intelligent, but my "strong, work ethic" makes up for it. They mentioned it in the letter and submitted it. FML

by rejectedprobably / 07/18/2016 at 7:06pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally finished a gruelling shift at the hospital. I hadn't slept in over 30 hours, so I was happy to get out. I was quickly rushed back in after I collapsed in the parking lot and cracked my head open. FML

by Anonymous / 07/16/2016 at 11:16am / United States (Indiana) / Health

Today, after months of putting up with it, I finally asked my manager not to put me on shifts with this old guy who is racist, sexist and lazy. This was how I found out that he died over the weekend. FML

by fmlsheffgirl / 07/25/2016 at 7:52am / United Kingdom (Sheffield) / Work

Today, I was ecstatic to have received a friend request from my crush of grade 4 after 11 years. He's grown up to be such a hottie. I quickly accepted his request, he messaged me and we ended up chatting for hours. Later, when I messaged him, he called me clingy and unfriended me from Facebook. FML

by HolyyMolyy / 07/11/2016 at 6:24am / Love

Today, I had to awkwardly sit next to my ex and her mother on a 2-hour flight. FML

by GatorBoi / 07/04/2016 at 1:59pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I found out that my favorite pizza place will no longer deliver to my area after dark because they've been robbed too many times. FML

by quackers / 07/08/2016 at 3:00am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I fell off the top of my bunk bed in my sleep onto a running fan. FML

by Anonymous / 07/13/2016 at 8:56pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was happy because my co-worker was almost about to get fired due to his lazy habits. It was all going so well. Then I accidentally put my biggest sale yet under his name. FML

by darianvilla / 07/22/2016 at 7:35pm / United States (Maryland) / Work

Today, I found out my fiancé is already married. His "crazy ex-wife" is not all that crazy, and is still his wife. FML

by Lifetime Presents: / 07/06/2016 at 7:50am / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, in honor of America's birthday, my 50-year-old father decided to light off homemade bombs without telling anyone. The screams of me and my family members were louder than the bombs. FML

by Bacon0426 / 07/04/2016 at 5:03pm / United States (New York) / Holidays

Today, I woke up to find some really weird stuff in my bed. We just got back from vacation in Florida, and my husband burned really bad. I woke up to his peeled off skin all over my face. FML

by Dlpnlvr85 / 07/10/2016 at 2:43pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I entered a restaurant just to use the WiFi. In order not to look cheap, I ordered a meal and a beverage. The WiFi didn't work and now I don't have enough money to buy dinner. FML

by decenthumanbeing / 07/14/2016 at 9:13am / Money