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September 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my girlfriend visited my restaurant with some guy I'd never seen before. She introduced him to me as her "new boyfriend". She was always a cold bitch, but I never saw this coming. I had to serve their food while choking back tears, and I couldn't work up the nerve to spit in it. FML

#21260464
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51578) - you deserved it (4996)

On 09/18/2014 at 3:32am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my boyfriend again told me how he wants to have an open relationship. Of course, this means he can do what he likes with anyone, but if I so much as kiss someone else, I'm a cheating slut. FML

#21252587
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49741) - you deserved it (7818)

On 09/05/2014 at 6:59pm - intimacy - by onlywantuanyway -

Today, my little sister decided it would be funny to bend my iPhone 6 like there's no tomorrow. FML

#21268378
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40496) - you deserved it (13642)

On 09/30/2014 at 2:48pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my dad found out I recently tried weed. He called me a useless waste of air and grounded me for the rest of the year. Then he went outside and smoked his third cigarette of the morning. FML

#21261280
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34914) - you deserved it (13317)

On 09/19/2014 at 2:34pm - kids - by hypercrite dad (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I was going for my morning walk, when a guy in a massive truck drove up beside me, with a kid no more than 4 riding shotgun. I lost my faith in humanity when his tiny voice yelled through the window, "Nice ass!" FML

#21257417
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40523) - you deserved it (4428)

On 09/13/2014 at 10:39am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was walking my dogs when a woman at a bus stop quite rudely exclaimed, "Keep those mutts away from my kid". I replied just as rudely that I wouldn't want them anywhere near her dirty sprog. It was then we both realised she was a customer that I regularly talk to at work. FML

Today, I complimented a guy on his beard. His response? "Thanks. Wanna sit on it?" FML

Today, in college, we were asked at what age girls tend to become physically attractive. Wrongly thinking the answer was in relation to puberty, I said "Umm... 11 or 12?" Now everyone thinks I'm some kind of pedophile. FML

#21259479
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38946) - you deserved it (8778)

On 09/16/2014 at 2:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my girlfriend got up in the middle of sex saying, "You're taking too long, I'm gonna go make some popcorn." I asked her if she could get me some. She said no. FML

#21251846
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42267) - you deserved it (8376)

On 09/04/2014 at 3:32pm - intimacy - by candy man - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I confiscated a 1st grader's cell phone. It was better than anything I could come close to affording. FML

#21256659
154 comments

Today, same as every other night, I sat in my car outside my home, just to avoid going inside. I live alone. FML

Today, it's the first day of fall. It's also the day that over 20 people have made jokes about my name being "Autumn" like they're the funniest, most original people alive. It's not even 8 am. This is going to be a long day. FML

#21263689
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33141) - you deserved it (3203)

On 09/23/2014 at 8:00am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)



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