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August 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I had to awkwardly grab my pink dildo after my husband's friend asked what it was that my dog was chewing on. FML

Today, my husband wanted me to take a sleeping pill before having sex with me. Apparently I'm better in bed while half-asleep. FML

#21238124
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41863) - you deserved it (5663)

On 08/15/2014 at 11:22am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - China (Shanghai)

Today, as I awoke, the sun was shining, the birds were tweeting, and police sirens were wailing at a drug bust next door. FML

#21234535
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39742) - you deserved it (3452)

On 08/11/2014 at 1:11am - misc - by Ithoughtheywerenormalpeople (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I asked for time off from work for my wedding and honeymoon. A grand total of three days. My boss made a face like he'd sucked on rancid toes and asked me if I was stupid. Awesome. FML

#21237232
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39393) - you deserved it (2764)

On 08/14/2014 at 3:15am - work - by BrokeBride (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, as I wandered through the streets of an unfamiliar city, I spotted a cop and darted across the street to ask for assistance. He kindly gave me directions as he wrote me out a citation for jaywalking. FML

#21230350
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36654) - you deserved it (8865)

On 08/05/2014 at 7:46pm - misc - by spekledworf (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went camping with my husband not too far from our house. We got our tent pitched up, stove ready and roll-out bed out. He then said, "I'm just gonna go for a walk." It had been about an hour before I decided to go find him. He had walked home to play CoD. FML

#21239602
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46188) - you deserved it (5261)

On 08/17/2014 at 6:19am - misc - by AnnoyedWoman (woman) - United Kingdom (Southampton)

Today, I went directly from the shopping mall to the hospital. My sister had slammed my hand in the car door, all because I considered purchasing a dress that looked like something she might buy for herself. FML

#21235533
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39589) - you deserved it (2971)

On 08/12/2014 at 1:34am - health - by vicious_fashion (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I listened to a little girl explain how her scabs taste great with lemon juice. FML

#21240451
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41625) - you deserved it (3971)

On 08/18/2014 at 11:13am - kids - by Stellarum (woman) - Mexico (Distrito Federal)

Today, I talked to a girl I like. I tried to make her jealous by telling her I had a "thing" going with another girl. She looked deeply into my eyes and said, "Wait, aren't you gay?" FML

#21242399
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41559) - you deserved it (16046)

On 08/21/2014 at 11:37am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my dad stopped me mid-sentence and said he wanted to punch me in the face and set me on fire for using the word "selfie". FML

#21243189
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23191) - you deserved it (40113)

On 08/22/2014 at 2:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, after finally getting rid of an extremely rude, abusive customer, I muttered that I could kill people like her. I didn't know my manager had heard me, until a pair of police officers arrived. He'd reported me for "threatening to murder a customer". FML

#21247836
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36347) - you deserved it (9450)

On 08/29/2014 at 12:17pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Slough)

Today, I saw a customer at the restaurant I work at lovingly petting his cheeseburger and whispering sweet promises to it. FML

#21234388
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35150) - you deserved it (3332)

On 08/10/2014 at 10:22pm - work - by weirded out (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was chatting with the cute new receptionist at the gym. I told her that I would be going there more if she was there. She looked me up and down and said that I should go regardless. FML

#21237096
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35198) - you deserved it (14484)

On 08/13/2014 at 11:46pm - health - by fatty (man) - United States (Wisconsin)



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