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August 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, it's been almost a week since I returned from my vacation to Ireland. Before I rarely drank. Now I'm pretty sure I'm an alcoholic. You might think I'm joking, but I've woken up hungover every day since I landed there. I basically paid to kill my liver and become AA's next poster child. FML

#21245034
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29973) - you deserved it (16854)

On 08/25/2014 at 12:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was taking a customer's order, when she said she'd better go for a salad, because she was getting fat. She was actually very slim, so I told her she wasn't fat at all. She took one look at me and snorted "Yeah, not compared to you, that's for sure." FML

#21245733
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44725) - you deserved it (4164)

On 08/26/2014 at 11:30am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I landed my first job as a security officer. Only after I signed all the paperwork did I find out that the area I'll be working is apparently a hotspot for violent shootings. I'm screwed. FML

#21244497
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39646) - you deserved it (5987)

On 08/24/2014 at 4:03pm - work - by fucked - United States (California)

Today, I complained to my two roommates about housework not being done. They both put their hands over their ears and started screaming at the top of their voice. They do this pretty much whenever I say anything to them. FML

#21238842
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42783) - you deserved it (5443)

On 08/16/2014 at 8:10am - misc - by Jenn (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I put on a porno, trying to unwind after a bad day. 10 minutes in, I was so pissed off with the girl constantly repeating "You like that? Yeah?" and the cameraman's obsession with the guy's asscrack that I started yelling at the screen. Now I'm more stressed than ever. FML

#21232670
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43721) - you deserved it (14566)

On 08/08/2014 at 5:29pm - intimacy - by FUCK YOU (man) - United States

Today, I went with my girlfriend to the gym for the first time. I knew I was in bad shape, but I bet her that I could lift more than her. Not only did I get my ass handed to me by a 5', 115lbs girl in front of the entire gym, I also have to attend Zumba in bright pink spandex. FML

#21231691
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28595) - you deserved it (41414)

On 08/07/2014 at 11:36am - health - by Dancing King (man) - Norway (Rogaland)

Today, my demented little sister walked up to me and kicked me between the legs. I told my parents, but they just accusingly asked me what I did to provoke her. When I said "nothing", they accused me of lying. There is no justice. FML

#21247278
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41311) - you deserved it (3356)

On 08/28/2014 at 5:16pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Portugal

Today, I told my mom I've been taking yoga lessons, and that it'd be cool if she took some with me. She immediately went on a rant, calling yoga "satanic" and accusing me of trying to get her into "devil worship". Well, that's the last time I try to patch our relationship up. FML

#21245163
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37556) - you deserved it (3035)

On 08/25/2014 at 4:14pm - misc - by fanaticalfuckspawn (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my two-year-old daughter's favourite word is 'No'. After leaving her with my sixteen-year-old brother, she now knows other N words as well. Niet, Nein, Non and Never. Her teenage uncle thinks it's hilarious. FML

#21240415
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38726) - you deserved it (6359)

On 08/18/2014 at 9:26am - kids - by 919191 (woman) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, my dad stopped me mid-sentence and said he wanted to punch me in the face and set me on fire for using the word "selfie". FML

#21243189
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24056) - you deserved it (41486)

On 08/22/2014 at 2:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, after months of dinners, coffees, drinks, and a few nights together, the girl of my dreams told me about this awesome guy she met yesterday. FML

#21235196
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46795) - you deserved it (4698)

On 08/11/2014 at 8:34pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, my husband was disgusted by me expressing breast milk while we were in the shower together. This is the same man who thinks it's funny to pee on my legs because, "It'll wash off." FML

#21229021
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46324) - you deserved it (4845)

On 08/04/2014 at 1:42am - health - by Ew?Really? (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my butt decided to delete the 650 photos I had on my phone. FML

#21247514
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38595) - you deserved it (7815)

On 08/28/2014 at 10:48pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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