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August 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when we heard a screech. My two cats were having it harder than us. FML

#21241441
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46234) - you deserved it (6575)

On 08/20/2014 at 2:07am - intimacy - by Mia (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, it's been almost a week since I returned from my vacation to Ireland. Before I rarely drank. Now I'm pretty sure I'm an alcoholic. You might think I'm joking, but I've woken up hungover every day since I landed there. I basically paid to kill my liver and become AA's next poster child. FML

#21245034
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28318) - you deserved it (16048)

On 08/25/2014 at 12:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my two-year-old daughter's favourite word is 'No'. After leaving her with my sixteen-year-old brother, she now knows other N words as well. Niet, Nein, Non and Never. Her teenage uncle thinks it's hilarious. FML

#21240415
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36530) - you deserved it (6061)

On 08/18/2014 at 9:26am - kids - by 919191 (woman) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, I was shopping when I suddenly slipped on the wet floor and my basket and my groceries were flung everywhere. Moments later, one of the cleaners walked over holding a "wet floor" sign, saw me and laughed. FML

#21229760
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41202) - you deserved it (3376)

On 08/05/2014 at 12:52am - misc - by ms98 - Australia (South Australia)

Today, my butt decided to delete the 650 photos I had on my phone. FML

#21247514
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36332) - you deserved it (7412)

On 08/28/2014 at 10:48pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was taking a customer's order, when she said she'd better go for a salad, because she was getting fat. She was actually very slim, so I told her she wasn't fat at all. She took one look at me and snorted "Yeah, not compared to you, that's for sure." FML

#21245733
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41944) - you deserved it (3888)

On 08/26/2014 at 11:30am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I found out that the reason my boyfriend hasn't texted me recently is that he'd forgotten he was dating anyone. FML

#21244761
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41717) - you deserved it (4705)

On 08/24/2014 at 11:27pm - love - by angry girlfriend - United States (Indiana)

Today, it was a hot day and a woman walking in front of me collapsed. I helped her up, and I called an ambulance while she laid down. While we waited, two teenage girls walked past and I heard one say to the other, "I love how this city just lets people tan wherever". FML

#21237053
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40625) - you deserved it (2918)

On 08/13/2014 at 11:02pm - kids - by Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, it's been three weeks since my dad finished growing what he calls a "Jesus beard" and gone out asking for donations and claiming to be Jesus Christ. I've been trying and failing to get a job for 2 years, and he's already raking in cash from gullible idiots. FML

#21247834
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36388) - you deserved it (3214)

On 08/29/2014 at 12:16pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I told my mom I've been taking yoga lessons, and that it'd be cool if she took some with me. She immediately went on a rant, calling yoga "satanic" and accusing me of trying to get her into "devil worship". Well, that's the last time I try to patch our relationship up. FML

#21245163
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35172) - you deserved it (2832)

On 08/25/2014 at 4:14pm - misc - by fanaticalfuckspawn (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at my job as a fast food manager, I saw one of my employees "trying to pick the bugs out" of our cookies. They were the raisins in them. FML

#21234756
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35780) - you deserved it (3251)

On 08/11/2014 at 10:18am - work - by mcmanager - United States (California)

Today, a guy in my class was talking about himself. He started his story with, "When I was little, I was a ginger." I replied without thinking, "Is that why you got put up for adoption?" Him being adopted was the actual story he wanted to tell. FML

#21246134
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20177) - you deserved it (80)

On 08/26/2014 at 11:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)

Today, while taking out the trash, I swung the bag back and forth, which caused it to slide across my leg. An opened aluminum can inside the bag ended up slicing through my calf, causing heavy bleeding. Baked beans sent me to the hospital. FML



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