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August 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was playing Mario Kart with my wife. I threw a blue shell and it hit her. She then refused to speak to me for three hours straight until right before bedtime when she called me a bastard and told me to sleep on the couch. FML

#21244858
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46345) - you deserved it (8209)

On 08/25/2014 at 1:44am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my professor told everyone that he thinks all med students should be required to get a catheter and an enema at least once in their lives so they can relate to their patients, saying, "Gentlemen, it might change your lives." FML

#21236595
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39428) - you deserved it (7011)

On 08/13/2014 at 11:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got my wisdom teeth removed. All I can remember is crying to my mom because I thought spoons were taking over the world. FML

Today, while my teacher was demonstrating how to use the ultrasound equipment, we all figured out that I'm pregnant. FML

#21245451
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55138) - you deserved it (11233)

On 08/25/2014 at 10:37pm - health - by whotouchedyou1 - United States (Texas)

Today, I finally felt ready for intimacy with my boyfriend, and I sent him a sexy picture of myself topless. He texted back, "Ewwwww." FML

#21232655
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50694) - you deserved it (8365)

On 08/08/2014 at 5:05pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Israel

Today, my mother kicked me out of the house because her new boyfriend needs my room. Evidently he also needs my credit card, passport, and wallet too, because she kept all three, while tossing everything else out on the lawn. FML

#21234023
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49150) - you deserved it (3111)

On 08/10/2014 at 1:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, my new boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. He started whispering in my ear, but I couldn't understand him. He pushed me away and ignored me the rest of the night. Apparently it's a huge turn-off that I can't talk dirty in Klingon. FML

#21246884
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46835) - you deserved it (5730)

On 08/28/2014 at 12:34am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got a call from my very drunk boyfriend at 1:30am asking for my permission to have sex with a "gross fat chick" he met at a pub, because he "felt sorry for her". The conversation ended with me getting hung up on because I "don't have a heart". FML

#21232277
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53224) - you deserved it (5115)

On 08/08/2014 at 2:05am - intimacy - by pocketrocket90 (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my girlfriend interrupted my proposal to take a selfie with the ice cream I had just bought her. She then said no. FML

#21227229
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58192) - you deserved it (6280)

On 08/02/2014 at 12:00am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, as I got out the shower, my mom walked in to give me a towel, then quickly covered her eyes and said, "Woah, I almost saw your penis. Good things it's ridiculously small." I had friends over, and I'm pretty sure I'll hear about this for at least the next month. FML

Today, I should be spending my birthday with my boyfriend of 8 months. Instead he's visiting his ex, who's pregnant with a baby that "may or may not be" his. FML.

#21228356
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47280) - you deserved it (6256)

On 08/03/2014 at 11:13am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was hammered, and on my way home I walked into a policeman. My logic was: if I'm on the phone, he can't talk to me, so I pulled my phone out and started speaking. The officer then asked me why I was speaking to my wallet. FML

#21240900
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26186) - you deserved it (48051)

On 08/19/2014 at 9:37am - misc - by drunk under 18 teenager (man) - Morocco (Marrakech-Tensift-Al Haouz)

Today, my blind date turned out to be my gynecologist. FML

#21229613
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51990) - you deserved it (4470)

On 08/04/2014 at 10:00pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)



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