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August 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I found out my girlfriend has been cheating on me. When I told my sister, she just smiled, held up a closed fist, and said "Look at the number of fucks I give!" She then raised a finger, said "Oops. Finger spasm!" then lowered it again. FML

#21238375
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47348) - you deserved it (4901)

On 08/15/2014 at 6:09pm - love - by meltdowninrels (man) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, while walking to work, I saw a homeless guy with a funny "NEED MONEY 4 BOOZE" sign, so I gave him a few spare dollars for his humor. On my way back home, he was out cold on the sidewalk with several empty bottles beside him. Whoops. FML

#21238336
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20320) - you deserved it (38409)

On 08/15/2014 at 5:10pm - money - by thoughthewasjoking (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I began to sign "I love you" to my boyfriend from across the room. I ended up just poking myself in the eye. FML

#21238728
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36088) - you deserved it (9889)

On 08/16/2014 at 2:20am - love - by Hopeless romantic (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my boyfriend called me in tears, convinced that he found me in a porn video online. It wasn't me. And when I finally got him to give me the web address, I too started crying at the realization of how fat he thinks I am. FML

#21243572
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55754) - you deserved it (5557)

On 08/23/2014 at 2:26am - intimacy - by confidence taken - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I woke up because of a weird noise. Scared, I turned on my bedside lamp. I saw my older, 17-year-old brother peeing in my bedroom doorway. He was hoping I'd step in it in the morning. FML

#21231132
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41484) - you deserved it (3092)

On 08/06/2014 at 6:18pm - kids - by whymyroomthough (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my brother decided our bathroom needed a clock so he used an old DVD player. He put it on the edge of the tub. FML

#21229931
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38728) - you deserved it (3697)

On 08/05/2014 at 7:55am - misc - by Anonymous - Egypt (Al Qahirah)

Today, my boyfriend laid his head on my bare chest and said, "You're like my mother." FML

#21229751
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45534) - you deserved it (4177)

On 08/05/2014 at 12:40am - love - by motherlover (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got suspended from work after getting caught reading a work-related FML. Irony is funny, but it doesn't pay the bills. FML

#21226986
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35273) - you deserved it (17528)

On 08/01/2014 at 6:38pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I had to flush someone else's shit in the public washroom at work. It was so vile, I didn't want to get anywhere near it, so flushed it with my foot, only for it to slip off the handle and into the toilet. FML

#21244424
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39635) - you deserved it (13941)

On 08/24/2014 at 1:31pm - work - by Alisterine - United States (Missouri)

Today, I saw a customer wandering around, looking confused. I went over and kindly asked if I could help him find anything. He said no, but that he'd help me find the teeth he'd knock out of my mouth if I didn't get lost. FML

#21248418
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37481) - you deserved it (3178)

On 08/30/2014 at 11:14am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I almost got lucky with a girl from my course. We've been flirting since we met. After removing her top and moving downwards with my tongue, whilst moaning my name she decided to mention she has a boyfriend and that we needed to stop. FML

#21248283
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53595) - you deserved it (6059)

On 08/30/2014 at 2:44am - intimacy - by Anonymous - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, I was taking an order for a patron at the casino. The policy is to "pay first." After explaining this to him, he still refused to pay. After years of being polite, I finally cracked and said, "You are making this really f-ing difficult". This particular patron was our CEO's son. FML

#21228632
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41032) - you deserved it (13607)

On 08/03/2014 at 6:02pm - work - by really though? - United States (Delaware)



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