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August 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I called my boyfriend and invited him over to watch a movie. He was all for it, until I mentioned I was on my period, at which point he said "NOPE." and hung up on me. FML

#21234002
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42562) - you deserved it (6860)

On 08/10/2014 at 12:42pm - love - by painedandpissed (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a customer came into McDonalds and placed his order. He insisted on putting each coin on the counter rather than handing them straight to me, because he doesn't like touching "poor people". FML

#21234971
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47264) - you deserved it (3732)

On 08/11/2014 at 3:54pm - work - by poorman (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to a baseball game with my girlfriend's dad. I got a boner when they sang the anthem, because that's what I sing in my head when having sex with his daughter so I last longer. FML

#21240482
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49658) - you deserved it (19257)

On 08/18/2014 at 12:39pm - intimacy - by embarrassed - United States (New York)

Today, I won a big raffle. However, my name is so ridiculous-sounding that they thought someone was playing a prank, and pulled a different ticket. I was too embarrassed to say anything. FML

#21227005
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41710) - you deserved it (11889)

On 08/01/2014 at 7:10pm - misc - by infortunatename - United States (California)

Today, I found out that if you wake your 7-year old sister up by plugging her nose, you'll wake up the next morning, taped down and unable to move as she pours ice water on you. FML

Today, I attended a family gathering. My cousin's new baby was being passed around. By way of politely declining to hold it, I meant to say that I looked forward to getting to know it better once it could talk. What I blurted out instead was, "I can't wait until it resembles a human being." FML

Today, while I was at the dentist, I couldn't stop gagging when he tried to put a tab in my mouth to get an x-ray. As I left, I overheard him saying, "I feel sorry for her boyfriend." FML

#21238932
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53064) - you deserved it (9052)

On 08/16/2014 at 12:03pm - intimacy - by gag reflex - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was playing Mario Kart with my wife. I threw a blue shell and it hit her. She then refused to speak to me for three hours straight until right before bedtime when she called me a bastard and told me to sleep on the couch. FML

#21244858
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45389) - you deserved it (8077)

On 08/25/2014 at 1:44am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, while my teacher was demonstrating how to use the ultrasound equipment, we all figured out that I'm pregnant. FML

#21245451
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53464) - you deserved it (10761)

On 08/25/2014 at 10:37pm - health - by whotouchedyou1 - United States (Texas)

Today, my professor told everyone that he thinks all med students should be required to get a catheter and an enema at least once in their lives so they can relate to their patients, saying, "Gentlemen, it might change your lives." FML

#21236595
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38704) - you deserved it (6930)

On 08/13/2014 at 11:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got my wisdom teeth removed. All I can remember is crying to my mom because I thought spoons were taking over the world. FML

Today, I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked, "What'cha got there?" He said, "Uh, that's my dick, Mike." FML

#21235845
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43602) - you deserved it (27826)

On 08/12/2014 at 1:05pm - intimacy - by not a dick-man (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, since I work at a doughnut shop, I came home smelling like fry oil and had bits of sugar on me. My boyfriend told me he loves having sex with me right after I get off work. He said its like having sex with a hot doughnut. FML

#21230044
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51020) - you deserved it (8579)

On 08/05/2014 at 12:48pm - intimacy - by donutsex (woman) - United States (Texas)



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