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January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, and every other night since my new neighbors moved in two weeks ago, their cat has been standing outside my house meowing constantly up at my window, where my cat keeps standing and meowing back. It's like a feline version of Romeo and Juliet, and I can't sleep. FML

#21024543
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43093) - you deserved it (4322)

On 01/11/2014 at 1:52pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Dominican Republic (Distrito Nacional)

Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML

#21022635
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47074) - you deserved it (4192)

On 01/09/2014 at 4:48pm - intimacy - by ReallyMom - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was going to have sex, so I went to my basement to get my builder bear that I had stuffed my condoms in. The bear was gone. My dad gave it to charity. 5ML

#21037839
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40203) - you deserved it (13660)

On 01/24/2014 at 12:32am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was laying down with my girlfriend, when she asked me if I'd ever been kicked in the junk. I awkwardly said no, and she replied, "Well maybe that should change." while rubbing my shoulder lovingly. I'm scared. FML

#21027576
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39881) - you deserved it (4061)

On 01/14/2014 at 11:15am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, my dad and I got royally bitched out by my mother, because she found a bill for a porn site subscription, which was paid by my dad, but made out to my name. I had no idea about any of this, but she now thinks I'm a filthy porn addict and that my dad is an enabler. FML

#21027732
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47003) - you deserved it (3813)

On 01/14/2014 at 3:09pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, my grandpa took my face in both hands, kissed me on the lips, said "Now you can tell all your friends you've had your first kiss," and walked out of the room. FML

#21023495
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45730) - you deserved it (4026)

On 01/10/2014 at 11:47am - misc - by wtf - United States (New York)

Today, I asked my mom why she had two tooth brushes: one manual and one electric. She said: "I only use the manual one for brushing my teeth." FML

#21013669
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41545) - you deserved it (5819)

On 01/02/2014 at 12:04am - intimacy - by Vincent - United States (Kansas)

Today, I decided to do a little shopping at Victoria's Secret. The woman at the register smiled and asked, "Got a special someone to impress?" I told her that my boyfriend of three years was in town for New Year's and we haven't seen each other in months. Then I went home to my four cats. FML

#21013681
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47916) - you deserved it (9618)

On 01/02/2014 at 12:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was getting ready for a night out with the girls, and without any hint of trickery, just wanting an honest answer, I asked my boyfriend how I looked in the dress I chose. He immediately dropped to his knees, yelled, "NOOOOOOOOO!" and calmly left the room. FML

#21024776
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36056) - you deserved it (7668)

On 01/11/2014 at 6:13pm - misc - by -_-" (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I wrote a text to the guy I've had a crush on for two years. I typed "hey" and put my phone down, not ready to send it. A little while later, I heard it buzz. The reply said "Um... what?" Apparently my sister had added "I'm a shitty prostitute" to my text and sent it. FML

#21016150
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42367) - you deserved it (7075)

On 01/04/2014 at 12:25am - love - by ... - United States

Today, my boyfriend saw a YouTube video of a guy throwing boiling water into the cold air, with the water immediately turning to ice and vapor. He copied it, but only succeeded in dousing himself with boiling water, then making me drive his idiot self to the hospital. FML

#21023480
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41062) - you deserved it (4558)

On 01/10/2014 at 11:12am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, at work teaching a cooking class, one of the kids asked if they could use a knife to help me chop vegetables. I said no, because it was very sharp and only staff members are allowed to use them. Just as I said that, the knife sliced through the tip of my thumb. FML

#21042937
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37042) - you deserved it (9736)

On 01/28/2014 at 12:06pm - health - by just the tip, though - United States (Georgia)

Today, I've had my tenth "Christmas" dinner since Christmas last took place. My mum has gone nuts and keeps playing Christmas music, making these dinners, and refusing to let me take down the Christmas decorations. My dad is too whipped to save us from this hell. FML

#21016807
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42171) - you deserved it (3767)

On 01/04/2014 at 4:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Ireland



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