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January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I had an upset stomach all day at work. When lunch break came, I rushed to the bathroom. Just as I turned into an unstoppable human whoopie cushion, a co-worker walked in. He heard the entire arse symphony, and just asked "What the fuck, dude?!" as he left. FML

#21045407
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41625) - you deserved it (4532)

On 01/30/2014 at 5:46pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Lancashire)

Today, I found out my ex boyfriend is still obsessed with me. Apparently he named his dog after me and talks to her like she's a real person. FML

#21018719
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50444) - you deserved it (6024)

On 01/06/2014 at 2:17am - intimacy - by Seriously? -

Today, I realized I willingly support my boyfriend's alcoholism, because the only time he says "I love you" is when he's blind drunk. FML

#21023769
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35895) - you deserved it (15775)

On 01/10/2014 at 6:05pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, trying to get some much needed rest, I heard my neighbors fighting loudly. When they finally quit, they left a DVD on, directly behind my wall: Spongebob, with the menu tune on loop. FML

#21025356
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43563) - you deserved it (3562)

On 01/12/2014 at 6:04am - misc - by tired individual (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, at work teaching a cooking class, one of the kids asked if they could use a knife to help me chop vegetables. I said no, because it was very sharp and only staff members are allowed to use them. Just as I said that, the knife sliced through the tip of my thumb. FML

#21042937
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39814) - you deserved it (10900)

On 01/28/2014 at 12:06pm - health - by just the tip, though - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was laying down with my girlfriend, when she asked me if I'd ever been kicked in the junk. I awkwardly said no, and she replied, "Well maybe that should change." while rubbing my shoulder lovingly. I'm scared. FML

#21027576
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42564) - you deserved it (4592)

On 01/14/2014 at 11:15am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, my grandpa took my face in both hands, kissed me on the lips, said "Now you can tell all your friends you've had your first kiss," and walked out of the room. FML

#21023495
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48404) - you deserved it (4588)

On 01/10/2014 at 11:47am - misc - by wtf - United States (New York)

Today, I was going to have sex, so I went to my basement to get my builder bear that I had stuffed my condoms in. The bear was gone. My dad gave it to charity. 5ML

#21037839
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46229) - you deserved it (16757)

On 01/24/2014 at 12:32am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I decided to do a little shopping at Victoria's Secret. The woman at the register smiled and asked, "Got a special someone to impress?" I told her that my boyfriend of three years was in town for New Year's and we haven't seen each other in months. Then I went home to my four cats. FML

#21013681
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55568) - you deserved it (12021)

On 01/02/2014 at 12:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, my daughter hugged me around the neck and whispered, "I'm going to cut your head off." I'm afraid to go to sleep now. FML

#21043189
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43713) - you deserved it (5365)

On 01/28/2014 at 4:57pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Bahrain (Al Manamah)

Today, I visited my girlfriend at her place, one thing lead to another, and we had sex for the first time. Her normally very sweet cat now hisses and savages me if I so much as look at him. FML

#21034982
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42925) - you deserved it (7058)

On 01/21/2014 at 12:43pm - intimacy - by idiot says pussy (man) - United States

Today, I wrote a text to the guy I've had a crush on for two years. I typed "hey" and put my phone down, not ready to send it. A little while later, I heard it buzz. The reply said "Um... what?" Apparently my sister had added "I'm a shitty prostitute" to my text and sent it. FML

#21016150
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46452) - you deserved it (8179)

On 01/04/2014 at 12:25am - love - by ... - United States

Today, I asked my mom why she had two tooth brushes: one manual and one electric. She said: "I only use the manual one for brushing my teeth." FML

#21013669
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46617) - you deserved it (7404)

On 01/02/2014 at 12:04am - intimacy - by Vincent - United States (Kansas)



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