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January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I realized that if you are dreaming that you have diarrhea, you probably have diarrhea. FML

#21030771
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46347) - you deserved it (4267)

On 01/17/2014 at 11:24am - health - by crap - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had an upset stomach all day at work. When lunch break came, I rushed to the bathroom. Just as I turned into an unstoppable human whoopie cushion, a co-worker walked in. He heard the entire arse symphony, and just asked "What the fuck, dude?!" as he left. FML

#21045407
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44009) - you deserved it (4736)

On 01/30/2014 at 5:46pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Lancashire)

Today, my boss let me know that I'm being laid off, via a text message that ended in "lmao". FML

#21043231
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48971) - you deserved it (3828)

On 01/28/2014 at 5:36pm - work - by soon to be unemployed (man) - United Kingdom (Southampton)

Today, I found out my ex boyfriend is still obsessed with me. Apparently he named his dog after me and talks to her like she's a real person. FML

#21018719
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53699) - you deserved it (6359)

On 01/06/2014 at 2:17am - intimacy - by Seriously? -

Today, I found out that whenever my ex-wife is late getting the kids to school, she tells them to tell their teachers they were with me, and forges my name on the sign-in sheet. Missing homework? Dad's house. Forgot to bring something important? Ditto. The school thinks I'm a horrible parent. FML

Today, after his sixth beer, my dad looked me in the eye and said "I've never forgiven you for what you did to your mother's vagina". FML

#21025234
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60033) - you deserved it (6000)

On 01/12/2014 at 1:38am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my girlfriend was spending the day at my place. Later on, I walked in while she was making lunch. She had a jar of mayo in her hand, and I joked, "I have some mayo, but it doesn't come from a jar." She had a bluetooth headset on, and was in a call with her father. 5ML

#21037484
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45336) - you deserved it (24892)

On 01/23/2014 at 7:10pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, my roommate, who has bipolar disorder and refuses to take his meds, tried to stab me with a kitchen knife because I threw out his moldy cheese. FML

#21031274
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46444) - you deserved it (5376)

On 01/17/2014 at 10:48pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I had to explain to one of my high school students that the importance of Pearl Harbor was not, in fact, because the Japanese stole the US pearl supply. FML

#21020544
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44798) - you deserved it (3865)

On 01/07/2014 at 7:00pm - work - by tpj24 - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was getting ready for a night out with the girls, and without any hint of trickery, just wanting an honest answer, I asked my boyfriend how I looked in the dress I chose. He immediately dropped to his knees, yelled, "NOOOOOOOOO!" and calmly left the room. FML

#21024776
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40678) - you deserved it (8735)

On 01/11/2014 at 6:13pm - misc - by -_-" (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my daughter hugged me around the neck and whispered, "I'm going to cut your head off." I'm afraid to go to sleep now. FML

#21043189
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46049) - you deserved it (5597)

On 01/28/2014 at 4:57pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Bahrain (Al Manamah)

Today, I visited my girlfriend at her place, one thing lead to another, and we had sex for the first time. Her normally very sweet cat now hisses and savages me if I so much as look at him. FML

#21034982
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47548) - you deserved it (7670)

On 01/21/2014 at 12:43pm - intimacy - by idiot says pussy (man) - United States

Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML

#21022635
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55700) - you deserved it (5052)

On 01/09/2014 at 4:48pm - intimacy - by ReallyMom - United States (Wisconsin)



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