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January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was packing, when my parents told me to put my little sister's toothbrush in the top pocket of their suitcase. The pocket I opened had 3 unopened boxes of condoms in it. We're going to my gran's house, and I'm going to be sleeping on a mattress on the floor of their room. FML

#21040204
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53500) - you deserved it (4964)

On 01/26/2014 at 12:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went to get my first tattoo. Before we started, the tattooist told me to just relax and embrace the pain. I guess I did that too well; I kept getting an erection throughout. FML

#21030923
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40250) - you deserved it (7724)

On 01/17/2014 at 3:56pm - health - by sausages (man) - Macedonia (Karpos)

Today, I have the flu. I woke up to my son leaning over me, inches from my face, breathing in deeply. Apparently, he was trying to get sick so he could stay home from school. He's 15. FML

#21034785
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47868) - you deserved it (5192)

On 01/21/2014 at 6:07am - kids - by sickmom (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, after months of random vomiting with no apparent cause, I finally got some tests done. The doctor says there's nothing wrong with me and that it's all just in my head. Great. FML

#21043075
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40976) - you deserved it (3821)

On 01/28/2014 at 2:43pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend met my parents. Within minutes, my dad managed to verbally sever his balls and reduce him to tears, "just for fun" apparently. FML

#21016902
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44506) - you deserved it (5193)

On 01/04/2014 at 6:13pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my husband decided to put different condiments on my body to make our sex better. I was thinking whipped cream; he was feeling ketchup. FML

#21039277
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51676) - you deserved it (5856)

On 01/25/2014 at 7:28am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got a black eye while trying to break up a fight caused by some complete bastard making a "yo momma" joke at the funeral of my best friend's mother. FML

#21042087
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53466) - you deserved it (4473)

On 01/27/2014 at 6:09pm - health - by knobbed (man) - United Kingdom (Milton Keynes)

Today, as my boyfriend went to go down on me, he felt it necessary to stop at my stomach and clean the lint out of my belly button. 5ML

#21038584
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39213) - you deserved it (21244)

On 01/24/2014 at 6:34pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I finally finished making my daughter's wedding cake. When I checked on it later, I found a large slice had been cut out. I soon found out that my husband had instagrammed himself eating it, with the caption "#guiltypleasures". FML

#21046154
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47215) - you deserved it (4019)

On 01/31/2014 at 11:36am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I went to the health department to get on some birth control. I left the health department without birth control, and with the news that I'm pregnant. FML

#21034014
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45530) - you deserved it (30872)

On 01/20/2014 at 3:23pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my brother asked me if I wanted to see a magic trick. I stupidly said yes and now have a black eye from where he punched me. My dad thinks it's hilarious and my mum says he didn't know any better. He's 13. FML

#21035253
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44321) - you deserved it (5656)

On 01/21/2014 at 5:27pm - health - by cuntocracy (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I joined my friends out birthday clubbing. After I'd gotten a little drunk, a few guys asked for my number. I rattled off random numbers, until I accidentally said my mother's. Guess who woke up to a text at 2:17 in the morning, containing a picture of a penis. FML

#21022033
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27021) - you deserved it (35209)

On 01/08/2014 at 7:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I realized that if you are dreaming that you have diarrhea, you probably have diarrhea. FML

#21030771
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44279) - you deserved it (4068)

On 01/17/2014 at 11:24am - health - by crap - United States (Ohio)



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