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January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was sitting on the couch, watching The Avengers with my 4-year-old daughter, who loves the Hulk. When Hulk finally showed up, she excitedly looked at me and screamed, "Hulk Smash" before slamming both of her fists into my balls. FML

#21044971
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53665) - you deserved it (6668)

On 01/30/2014 at 7:34am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I sang "happy birthday" to my best friend. Sadly, it was while waitressing at work, where they were having a celebration I hadn't been invited to in the first place. FML

#21024621
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53903) - you deserved it (4058)

On 01/11/2014 at 3:26pm - misc - by left out - United States (Ohio)

Today, it's been two weeks since my parents went crazy with their attempts to save on the water bill. Every time I want to take a shower, I have to ask them first. Let's just say I've had to resort to taking sponge baths in public bathrooms to keep my B.O. under control. FML

#21025608
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50501) - you deserved it (4323)

On 01/12/2014 at 2:06pm - misc - by shakinmahbuttbutt (man) - United States

Today, after working 12 hours, my scooter broke down 2 miles from home. I had to walk myself and my scooter home all uphill. My boyfriend and his friends drove by, honked and kept going. FML

Today, I was in a market in France, and went to ask the seller for some potatoes. I speak fluent French, but I got flustered and instead of saying "pomme de terre", which is the French for potato, I said "pomme de merde". I literally asked for an "apple of shit". FML

Today, my 2-year-old son put his hand on my face, gave me a sweet kiss, and put his cheek against mine. Then he slapped me hard enough to leave a mark, laughed, and scrambled away. FML

#21032373
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46278) - you deserved it (6658)

On 01/19/2014 at 12:17am - kids - by MommyProblems (woman) - United States

Today, I went on a blind date. The first thing the guy did was ask if I knew what it felt like to have spiders crawl out of my vagina. FML

#21044324
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53533) - you deserved it (5708)

On 01/29/2014 at 5:14pm - love - by riiiight (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was T-boned at an intersection. My wife got pissed when I didn't immediately check on her, but rather the other driver. That other driver was my daughter. FML

#21012945
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58370) - you deserved it (5180)

On 01/01/2014 at 1:21pm - love - by Crashed - United States (Georgia)

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. After a while, he started staring at my lady parts, and said my "vag looks like a mockingjay". He then stretched the lips apart like wings and made little "CA-CAW CA-CAW!" sounds. FML

#21033383
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61606) - you deserved it (9782)

On 01/19/2014 at 10:59pm - intimacy - by Goodyear (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, while I was fooling around with my girlfriend, she hurt her hand. It obviously wasn't very serious, so I told her to stop faking it. She responded, "Wanna know what I actually fake? My orgasms." FML

#21031998
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38541) - you deserved it (62170)

On 01/18/2014 at 5:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my father took me out for some driving lessons. I accidentally reversed while still in the driveway, and I instinctively hit the brakes. In my panic, I accidentally let go of the brakes, and ended up reversing straight into our house, all while my father yelled "NOOOOOO!" FML

#21014440
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41172) - you deserved it (18133)

On 01/02/2014 at 4:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, I told my friend I would pay him to ask out the ugliest girl he knew. He asked out my girlfriend. FML

#21039900
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26016) - you deserved it (51002)

On 01/25/2014 at 7:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I dropped my phone in the wet snow. I read that putting it in rice helps to get the water out. Three pieces of rice are now frozen into the power port, and I can't get the charger in. FML

#21034026
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41487) - you deserved it (13292)

On 01/20/2014 at 3:34pm - misc - by merrr - Canada



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