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January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I decided to dye my hair blue. The result is slightly different than I expected: my white bathroom is now blue, and so are my skin and nails. The only thing that isn't blue is my hair, which is now green. FML

#21036650
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42926) - you deserved it (20602)

On 01/22/2014 at 10:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my boyfriend told me that sometimes my nipples taste like onions. FML

#21012735
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50689) - you deserved it (10208)

On 01/01/2014 at 8:26am - intimacy - by Snufflopagus (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I came home from the army and explained to my family how tough it was there. Then, as I was walking away, I stubbed my toe on the couch, fell and cried. FML

#21036979
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46011) - you deserved it (15812)

On 01/23/2014 at 7:53am - misc - by MarBlu - United States

Today, I'm trapped in my apartment, due to the fact that five raccoons have decided to sit outside my only door and prevent me from getting out. Every time I look at one, they hiss at me. FML

#21023350
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45595) - you deserved it (5563)

On 01/10/2014 at 6:15am - animals - by RaccoonFever - United States (California)

Today, I was playing with my little nephew and began to tickle him playfully, even though I know he doesn't like to be tickled. When I was done, he looked me straight in the eye, punched me in the groin, and told me, "No one tickles me". He's six. FML

#21034458
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28568) - you deserved it (44042)

On 01/20/2014 at 10:34pm - kids - by Ginger_Gawd - United States (Florida)

Today, I overheard my mum tell my sister that she should make me a bridesmaid at her wedding. My sister scoffed, "She looks like Shamu, mum. I can't have THAT in my wedding pics." followed by laughter and my mum saying, "Touché." FML

#21031087
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52066) - you deserved it (6555)

On 01/17/2014 at 6:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my evening was shot to hell when I found my pregnant wife on the floor, sobbing because we'd run out of cheese sticks. FML

#21046394
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46629) - you deserved it (8761)

On 01/31/2014 at 5:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I realised after showering that I didn't have a towel, so I thought I would risk a naked dash to my brother's room to steal one of his. He and his friend were in the room and both agreed that I needed a "trim". FML

#21019082
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53654) - you deserved it (22435)

On 01/06/2014 at 1:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - South Africa

Today, my boyfriend proposed: he told me the feeling he gets from being in love with me is the best feeling in the world, even better than the feeling he gets when he poops. FML

#21039368
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47251) - you deserved it (7175)

On 01/25/2014 at 10:43am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my husband and I decided to have a quickie before the kids woke up from their nap. The sex was amazing and I couldn't hold in my screams or not hit the wall. About 15 minutes in, both of our children came busting in with their nerf guns, screaming, "Where's the monster?" FML

#21025946
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58655) - you deserved it (35409)

On 01/12/2014 at 8:53pm - intimacy - by anon (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my girlfriend told me the reason why my credit card mysteriously maxed out 2 months ago 'might have been' because she posted a picture of it on Facebook. I ordered a new credit card without the custom picture of us immediately. She broke up with me. FML

#21035364
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54586) - you deserved it (5959)

On 01/21/2014 at 6:59pm - love - by FacebookStrikesAgain (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend masturbating beside me. I asked if she needed a hand. She called me a pervert and now won't speak to me. FML

#21015691
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67734) - you deserved it (7909)

On 01/03/2014 at 5:08pm - intimacy - by notsohandy (man) - Denmark (Midtjylland)

Today, I joked with a pregnant girl in a state juvenile correctional facility where I work that eating a lot of candy would damage the unborn baby's teeth. Without batting an eye, she responded that she would simply "eat some toothpaste after the candy." FML



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