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January 2014

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Today, I found out that someone had peed into the bottle of Febreze that we keep in the dorm bathroom. I found this out when I sprayed it onto my coat to get rid of a weird smell. FML

by Anonymous / 01/06/2014 at 2:13pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my university professor admitted to sometimes just winging it when she's teaching. "Yeah," she said, "sometimes I just don't get this stuff either." No wonder I'm failing. 5ML

by Profucktardor / 01/24/2014 at 3:33pm / United Kingdom (Derby) / Miscellaneous

Today, I sent a message on Facebook to a girl I really like. She replied, "..." It took me three hours to realize she'd actually written it. I thought it was just Facebook telling me she was typing. FML

by Andrew / 01/02/2014 at 6:49pm / Portugal (Lisboa) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a big final project due for class. None of my project partners would help me yesterday, because they were convinced we'd have a snow day. Unfortunately, we didn't have a snow day, and we failed. FML

by sidldaking / 01/21/2014 at 6:24pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was walking home from a horrible day at work, when some idiot emptied a trashcan on my head from his apartment balcony. He cried "Oh shit!" and apologized because I wasn't his intended target. FML

by Anonymous / 01/12/2014 at 12:28pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, it was my first day at my new school. I've never been the new girl before, so I asked my best friend for advice. She said, "Whatever you do, do not, under any circumstances, be yourself." FML

by Anonymous / 01/15/2014 at 8:57pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up from a short nap, only to find two waxing strips stuck to my eyebrows. I now have very little of my eyebrows remaining, and just as little idea which idiot in my family pulled this stupid excuse of a prank. FML

by I will find you and I will fucking fuck y / 01/05/2014 at 3:39pm / United Kingdom (Cornwall) / Miscellaneous

Today, my grandma said, "I know you don't have any plans tonight. Do you want to go to bingo with me?" I said sure out of pity, and ended up being her designated driver after she got wasted later in the evening. FML

by my cheese grater + your dick / 01/17/2014 at 12:35pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via text message. Every 20 minutes or so, I'll get a notification that I have a new message, and I check it just to find that same message sitting there. I'm being trolled by my own phone. FML

by Anonymous / 01/01/2014 at 2:49am / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, after trying for several days to change some details on the social security website, I got fed up and called them. I waited nearly two hours on hold, and when I finally got through, the guy on the other end just told me to reboot my computer and try again, then hung up on me. FML

by Anonymous / 01/14/2014 at 4:09pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, at work, a kid rushed into the bathroom to vomit. Understandable, except he threw up into the sinks. Sinks plural, whose drain holes are so small that only liquid can really pass through. Guess who had to clean up vomit chunks. FML

by Anonymous / 01/18/2014 at 2:49pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I decided to light a lantern and watch it fly with my girlfriend after midnight. The neighbor's tree caught fire. FML

by claubea11 / 01/01/2014 at 12:17am / Puerto Rico / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw my sister after three days away. When I went to get in the car with her, she told me I had to sit in the back, because her teddy rides in front now. She was serious. I've already been replaced by a stuffed bear. FML

by SabriLittleRed / 01/01/2014 at 1:18pm / United States (California) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.