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January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my girlfriend was spending the day at my place. Later on, I walked in while she was making lunch. She had a jar of mayo in her hand, and I joked, "I have some mayo, but it doesn't come from a jar." She had a bluetooth headset on, and was in a call with her father. 5ML

#21037484
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44552) - you deserved it (24439)

On 01/23/2014 at 7:10pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, I joined my friends out birthday clubbing. After I'd gotten a little drunk, a few guys asked for my number. I rattled off random numbers, until I accidentally said my mother's. Guess who woke up to a text at 2:17 in the morning, containing a picture of a penis. FML

#21022033
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27066) - you deserved it (35292)

On 01/08/2014 at 7:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I was helping my elderly neighbor carry her groceries into her kitchen. When I finished, she sighed and said, "You're such a sweet girl. It's just a shame about your face." FML

#21040445
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47141) - you deserved it (3636)

On 01/26/2014 at 8:08am - misc - by neighbor - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was at a basketball game. Sitting in the bleachers, I looked over at my friend and said, "Number 33 has a really cute butt." The man in front of us turned around, looked me dead in the eye, and said, "Thanks." Number 33's dad was a very proud father. FML

#21017330
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48926) - you deserved it (13295)

On 01/05/2014 at 12:30am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, my boyfriend and I were in the shower and things were getting heated. I tried to move position, but slipped and fell, bringing the shower curtain I'd grabbed onto down with me along its support rod. My ass hit the floor just as hard as the rod hit my head. FML

#21020358
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50902) - you deserved it (9552)

On 01/07/2014 at 3:38pm - intimacy - by owl + bungee cord (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I went to an important job interview. I was really anxious but tried to soldier on anyway. When I was called in, my nerves got so bad that I reverted to speaking my second language. Not first, second. I'm pretty sure I'm not getting the job. FML

#21035049
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40039) - you deserved it (5734)

On 01/21/2014 at 1:55pm - work - by ugh (woman) - Japan (Tokyo)

Today, I was taking a leisurely stroll through the woods in the nice cool weather, when a mountain biker came out of nowhere and tore past, barely missing me. As I counted my luck, another biker followed the first and crashed right into me. FML

#21045309
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40500) - you deserved it (4227)

On 01/30/2014 at 3:55pm - health - by ramble ramble (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was in the process of finally losing my virginity. Part-way through, my neighbour started shouting from his backyard, "Go, Nicolas! You can do it!" He was talking to his son, but the two of us have the same name. I couldn't finish. FML

#21046533
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59158) - you deserved it (6541) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/31/2014 at 4:05pm - intimacy - by prochainefois (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, someone thought it would be funny to steal the precious stuffed bear I've had since childhood and leave a ransom note in its place. FML

#21031005
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41907) - you deserved it (5317)

On 01/17/2014 at 5:21pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my girlfriend sent me a link to a Vine video in which she dumped me. FML

#21020871
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52507) - you deserved it (4165)

On 01/07/2014 at 11:21pm - love - by Jae_Hellyun (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for another guy. Last week, she wrote sweet things like "Love you forever" and "Light of my life" on my arm cast. I have to wait two more weeks until it's taken off. FML

#21017924
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48424) - you deserved it (3732)

On 01/05/2014 at 2:44pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Derbyshire)

Today, my wife and I were watching a football game. While someone was about to score, she started screaming, "Go!" and "Come on! You can do it! Go baby, go!" My first thought was that I wished I could still make her scream like that. FML

#21026614
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56231) - you deserved it (12039)

On 01/13/2014 at 2:48pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I signed up for a dating site and used a photo of my mother and me at a wedding. Everyone stops responding when they find out they're talking to me and not her. FML

#21030662
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41437) - you deserved it (8635)

On 01/17/2014 at 7:49am - misc - by dylanhollis - United States (Texas)



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