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January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend, and I really started getting into it. I said, "Hang on tight, this is gonna get intense." She replied, "Doubt it" and yawned. FML

#21044260
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46527) - you deserved it (13887)

On 01/29/2014 at 4:04pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Wrexham)

Today, after working my shift at McDonalds, I went to clock in at my dispatch job. During a 911 call, I blurted, "Would you like to try the McRib while it's back?" FML

#21023934
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44416) - you deserved it (8167)

On 01/10/2014 at 9:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, when I am asked to do something and I don't do it immediately, my mother threatens to "twerk" in front of my friends. FML

#21014763
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41775) - you deserved it (8229)

On 01/02/2014 at 9:52pm - misc - by FMLPLZ (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my new neighbor asked if I could keep my dog from yapping during the evenings, because it kept him awake last night. I don't have a dog, but I apologized anyway. I didn't have the heart to admit that those are the sounds my girlfriend makes during sex. FML

#21023843
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43759) - you deserved it (6196)

On 01/10/2014 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by lukas (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I used the restroom at a mall. I thought I was alone, so I started singing. When I got out of the stall, there were men staring at me. Not only did I embarrass myself with my own singing, I'd accidentally used the men's restroom too. FML

#21024837
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40794) - you deserved it (20070)

On 01/11/2014 at 7:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my parents left early in the morning to run some errands, and I thought it would be nice to shovel our rather large driveway for them while they were out. An hour later, they returned from the store with a snow blower. FML

#21032937
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45535) - you deserved it (5004)

On 01/19/2014 at 3:35pm - misc - by fail (man) - United States

Today, my roommate showed me a video of a cockroach crawling all over my face while I was asleep in the lounge. FML

#21041659
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45107) - you deserved it (3514)

On 01/27/2014 at 9:40am - animals - by mac - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was helping my elderly neighbor carry her groceries into her kitchen. When I finished, she sighed and said, "You're such a sweet girl. It's just a shame about your face." FML

#21040445
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45732) - you deserved it (3513)

On 01/26/2014 at 8:08am - misc - by neighbor - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, while playing badminton at school, I got an opponent who is mentally handicapped. Since I'm terrible at the game, I guess the teacher assumed it would be a good match. I won the match, my first victory ever. My teacher accused me of cheating to humiliate him. FML

#21045157
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39198) - you deserved it (3547)

On 01/30/2014 at 1:13pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)

Today, it was my birthday, so when I woke up, I came downstairs yelling, "ALL I WANT FOR MY BIRTHDAY, IS A BIG BOOTY HOE," only to find that my family had thrown me a surprise party. All my grandparents were at the bottom of the stairs. FML

#21025933
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30282) - you deserved it (37458)

On 01/12/2014 at 8:40pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my brother asked me how to block someone on Facebook. Seeing as how my brother never asks me for anything, I took this opportunity to help him. He then blocked me. FML

#21034070
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41582) - you deserved it (6933)

On 01/20/2014 at 4:16pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, despite all of the pictures and proof of my fiancé, my parents still think I have an imaginary boyfriend. They met him, and were there when he proposed. They think it's all a joke. FML

#21017461
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50038) - you deserved it (3308)

On 01/05/2014 at 2:11am - love - by Fiancé problemsss - United States (Montana)

Today, I was taking a piss when a fly landed inside the urinal. I thought it would be funny to try to aim and pee on it until it flew away and I stupidly continued aiming, peeing all over the floor and the wall. Another man came in time to see it. FML

#21026318
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21348) - you deserved it (47512)

On 01/13/2014 at 2:34am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Hawaii)



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