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January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I learned that my girlfriend can sleepwalk. She got up, came into the living room where I was laying back against the sofa playing video games. I wasn't really paying much attention, until she stepped on my crotch, after which she left. She doesn't remember a thing. FML

#21035414
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43507) - you deserved it (5819)

On 01/21/2014 at 7:55pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, my mom took a picture of me. All she could say about the picture was, "At least your sister is pretty." 5ML

#21038006
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40467) - you deserved it (3678)

On 01/24/2014 at 7:36am - love - by MH - Norway (Rogaland)

Today, my grandfather told me that I was ugly. When my mom found out, she said that "old people are allowed to tell the truth". FML

#21028123
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45698) - you deserved it (4446)

On 01/14/2014 at 9:38pm - misc - by Pop - United States (New York)

Today, I lost a bet with my grandma, and now she's coming with me on my next date. FML

#21020870
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36296) - you deserved it (32584)

On 01/07/2014 at 11:21pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)

Today, after working my shift at McDonalds, I went to clock in at my dispatch job. During a 911 call, I blurted, "Would you like to try the McRib while it's back?" FML

#21023934
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46410) - you deserved it (8728)

On 01/10/2014 at 9:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was taking a piss when a fly landed inside the urinal. I thought it would be funny to try to aim and pee on it until it flew away and I stupidly continued aiming, peeing all over the floor and the wall. Another man came in time to see it. FML

#21026318
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21837) - you deserved it (48663)

On 01/13/2014 at 2:34am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Hawaii)

Today, while playing badminton at school, I got an opponent who is mentally handicapped. Since I'm terrible at the game, I guess the teacher assumed it would be a good match. I won the match, my first victory ever. My teacher accused me of cheating to humiliate him. FML

#21045157
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41065) - you deserved it (4016)

On 01/30/2014 at 1:13pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my roommate showed me a video of a cockroach crawling all over my face while I was asleep in the lounge. FML

#21041659
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47373) - you deserved it (3968)

On 01/27/2014 at 9:40am - animals - by mac - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I used the restroom at a mall. I thought I was alone, so I started singing. When I got out of the stall, there were men staring at me. Not only did I embarrass myself with my own singing, I'd accidentally used the men's restroom too. FML

#21024837
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42422) - you deserved it (21033)

On 01/11/2014 at 7:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I joined my friends out birthday clubbing. After I'd gotten a little drunk, a few guys asked for my number. I rattled off random numbers, until I accidentally said my mother's. Guess who woke up to a text at 2:17 in the morning, containing a picture of a penis. FML

#21022033
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27011) - you deserved it (35195)

On 01/08/2014 at 7:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my brother asked me how to block someone on Facebook. Seeing as how my brother never asks me for anything, I took this opportunity to help him. He then blocked me. FML

#21034070
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43513) - you deserved it (7178)

On 01/20/2014 at 4:16pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, my parents left early in the morning to run some errands, and I thought it would be nice to shovel our rather large driveway for them while they were out. An hour later, they returned from the store with a snow blower. FML

#21032937
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46889) - you deserved it (5169)

On 01/19/2014 at 3:35pm - misc - by fail (man) - United States

Today, I moved back into my dorm. My ex-girlfriend, and the guy she left me for, now cohabit next door. Now I get to hear them screwing while I try to do my homework. FML

#21043113
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49148) - you deserved it (3911)

On 01/28/2014 at 3:28pm - love - by Order of the Dangling Testicles (man) - United States (New York)



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