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January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, as my boyfriend went to go down on me, he felt it necessary to stop at my stomach and clean the lint out of my belly button. 5ML

#21038584
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42503) - you deserved it (22716)

On 01/24/2014 at 6:34pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my roommate showed me a video of a cockroach crawling all over my face while I was asleep in the lounge. FML

#21041659
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49986) - you deserved it (4205)

On 01/27/2014 at 9:40am - animals - by mac - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I called my auto insurance company to try to get some discounts and lower my rate. I ended up adding $30 to my monthly payment. FML

#21021391
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39235) - you deserved it (13611)

On 01/08/2014 at 2:03pm - money - by Can2 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my parents left early in the morning to run some errands, and I thought it would be nice to shovel our rather large driveway for them while they were out. An hour later, they returned from the store with a snow blower. FML

#21032937
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46992) - you deserved it (5183)

On 01/19/2014 at 3:35pm - misc - by fail (man) - United States

Today, I lost a bet with my grandma, and now she's coming with me on my next date. FML

#21020870
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37296) - you deserved it (33320)

On 01/07/2014 at 11:21pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)

Today, after 3 months of no orgasms, I was in the shower, working to rectify that. As I was seconds away from coming, my dad loudly knocked on the door and demanded to know how much longer I was going to take. Probably another 3 months now, dad. FML

#21039460
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53869) - you deserved it (9053)

On 01/25/2014 at 12:42pm - intimacy - by sally - United States (Georgia)

Today, I moved back into my dorm. My ex-girlfriend, and the guy she left me for, now cohabit next door. Now I get to hear them screwing while I try to do my homework. FML

#21043113
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50488) - you deserved it (4042)

On 01/28/2014 at 3:28pm - love - by Order of the Dangling Testicles (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I used the restroom at a mall. I thought I was alone, so I started singing. When I got out of the stall, there were men staring at me. Not only did I embarrass myself with my own singing, I'd accidentally used the men's restroom too. FML

#21024837
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43993) - you deserved it (21940)

On 01/11/2014 at 7:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my son was playing The Sims, when I saw him remove the door to a room and set it on fire with a Sim trapped inside. I chuckled at first, until I saw that the Sim was me. Meanwhile, my wife's Sim was happily painting in the next room, not giving a crap. All too accurate, sadly. FML

#21015673
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48583) - you deserved it (5220)

On 01/03/2014 at 4:50pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I mentioned to my boyfriend that I want to start working out and get rid of my holiday weight. His response? "Okay, just don't join a gym. People will have to see you there." FML

#21020071
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43812) - you deserved it (4756)

On 01/07/2014 at 7:41am - love - by fat - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I got my wedding photos back. The only decent picture of my husband and me together also featured a fat guy in a crop top behind us. FML

#21041939
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42882) - you deserved it (4711)

On 01/27/2014 at 3:55pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, before a blind date with a girl set up by my flatmate, I put some aftershave on. Then I realised I had forgotten my contact lenses. When I put them in it caused so much pain that in my attempt to reach the bathroom I walked into a wall. When I got there, she saw my swollen face and left. FML



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