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January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I mentioned to my boyfriend that I want to start working out and get rid of my holiday weight. His response? "Okay, just don't join a gym. People will have to see you there." FML

#21020071
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43450) - you deserved it (4724)

On 01/07/2014 at 7:41am - love - by fat - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I asked my 5-year-old nephew to clean up his mess of toys. He responded by kicking my foot. My bandaged foot which was still recovering from my surgery last week. I'm probably going to need another operation to fix the damage. FML

#21017302
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45937) - you deserved it (4755)

On 01/05/2014 at 12:11am - kids - by scotsgal (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I brought up the subject of marriage with my boyfriend. His response was to shoot me with a nerf gun and laugh. FML

#21019101
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45727) - you deserved it (9281)

On 01/06/2014 at 2:20pm - love - by CatLady - United States (California)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend, and I really started getting into it. I said, "Hang on tight, this is gonna get intense." She replied, "Doubt it" and yawned. FML

#21044260
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52341) - you deserved it (16653)

On 01/29/2014 at 4:04pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Wrexham)

Today, my new neighbor asked if I could keep my dog from yapping during the evenings, because it kept him awake last night. I don't have a dog, but I apologized anyway. I didn't have the heart to admit that those are the sounds my girlfriend makes during sex. FML

#21023843
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49378) - you deserved it (7624)

On 01/10/2014 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by lukas (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after 3 months of no orgasms, I was in the shower, working to rectify that. As I was seconds away from coming, my dad loudly knocked on the door and demanded to know how much longer I was going to take. Probably another 3 months now, dad. FML

#21039460
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52566) - you deserved it (8873)

On 01/25/2014 at 12:42pm - intimacy - by sally - United States (Georgia)

Today, my new calculus teacher taught everything using nothing but soccer terms and analogies, just so the resident idiot meatheads would understand. I didn't learn a thing. FML

#21030844
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40221) - you deserved it (4953)

On 01/17/2014 at 1:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, it was my birthday, so when I woke up, I came downstairs yelling, "ALL I WANT FOR MY BIRTHDAY, IS A BIG BOOTY HOE," only to find that my family had thrown me a surprise party. All my grandparents were at the bottom of the stairs. FML

#21025933
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31871) - you deserved it (39593)

On 01/12/2014 at 8:40pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents. They thought it would be funny to pretend that they're nudists. FML

#21021758
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48924) - you deserved it (4698)

On 01/08/2014 at 7:53pm - misc - by loganHchrist - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I used the restroom at a mall. I thought I was alone, so I started singing. When I got out of the stall, there were men staring at me. Not only did I embarrass myself with my own singing, I'd accidentally used the men's restroom too. FML

#21024837
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43981) - you deserved it (21933)

On 01/11/2014 at 7:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I went back to work after a horrible bout of respiratory illness. After a few hours of using hot tea, cough drops, and tissues to deal with my lingering cough, I found out that my asshole coworker has filed a formal complaint about me disrupting her concentration. FML

#21039586
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42251) - you deserved it (3928)

On 01/25/2014 at 2:11pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to a figure holding a knife above me. After I screamed in terror, the figure burst into laughter. It was my mom. She did this as payback for me not washing the dishes last night after making food. FML

#21016927
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41990) - you deserved it (16736)

On 01/04/2014 at 6:43pm - misc - by awkwardpartybear (woman) - United States (Florida)



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