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January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was painting cabinets for the children's area in my church. While painting, I dropped my brush and got black paint on a white part. I tried to wipe it off. Now there's a very visible smudge that looks like a penis. FML

#21019530
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37632) - you deserved it (7173)

On 01/06/2014 at 9:25pm - kids - by peepeepainter - United States (Georgia)

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents. They thought it would be funny to pretend that they're nudists. FML

#21021758
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45143) - you deserved it (3970)

On 01/08/2014 at 7:53pm - misc - by loganHchrist - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, my new calculus teacher taught everything using nothing but soccer terms and analogies, just so the resident idiot meatheads would understand. I didn't learn a thing. FML

#21030844
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37310) - you deserved it (4388)

On 01/17/2014 at 1:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I went back to work after a horrible bout of respiratory illness. After a few hours of using hot tea, cough drops, and tissues to deal with my lingering cough, I found out that my asshole coworker has filed a formal complaint about me disrupting her concentration. FML

#21039586
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39647) - you deserved it (3438)

On 01/25/2014 at 2:11pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mom asked me when I'm going to propose to my girlfriend. Not only was she in the room at the time, I've spent the whole week thinking of ways to break up with her without ending up in the hospital. 5ML

#21038079
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40777) - you deserved it (4176)

On 01/24/2014 at 10:11am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I found out my ex boyfriend is still obsessed with me. Apparently he named his dog after me and talks to her like she's a real person. FML

#21018719
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45761) - you deserved it (5441)

On 01/06/2014 at 2:17am - intimacy - by Seriously? -

Today, I was asked to go to a ball by the guy I like. The theme is masquerade. He made me a Robin mask; he's wearing a Batman mask. FML

#21021762
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36735) - you deserved it (10109)

On 01/08/2014 at 7:54pm - love - by Unfortunately Me (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to a figure holding a knife above me. After I screamed in terror, the figure burst into laughter. It was my mom. She did this as payback for me not washing the dishes last night after making food. FML

#21016927
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38274) - you deserved it (15061)

On 01/04/2014 at 6:43pm - misc - by awkwardpartybear (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my grandfather told me that I was ugly. When my mom found out, she said that "old people are allowed to tell the truth". FML

#21028123
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42898) - you deserved it (3912)

On 01/14/2014 at 9:38pm - misc - by Pop - United States (New York)

Today, after arriving home from work I found that my dog took a dump down the air conditioning vents on the floor. Now the whole house smells so good. FML

Today, I learned that my girlfriend can sleepwalk. She got up, came into the living room where I was laying back against the sofa playing video games. I wasn't really paying much attention, until she stepped on my crotch, after which she left. She doesn't remember a thing. FML

#21035414
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40010) - you deserved it (5290)

On 01/21/2014 at 7:55pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, my mom took a picture of me. All she could say about the picture was, "At least your sister is pretty." 5ML

#21038006
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36874) - you deserved it (3077)

On 01/24/2014 at 7:36am - love - by MH - Norway (Rogaland)



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