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January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my 7-year-old daughter made a new game: hitting me in the groin when I'm not expecting it. She hunts me in the house, hides around corners, and behind furniture to ambush me. She'll even do it if she catches me napping. I'm a grown man living in fear of a little girl. FML

#21029770
335 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48877) - you deserved it (10474)

On 01/16/2014 at 12:57pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I tried to lose my virginity to my boyfriend of a year. We're almost twenty. In the end, we both chickened out and played Pokémon instead. FML

#21020996
279 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53680) - you deserved it (22240)

On 01/08/2014 at 12:43am - intimacy - by gottacatchemall (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because she found some lesbian porn on my computer. Her reasoning? That I must secretly be gay. FML

#21042109
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42287) - you deserved it (9163)

On 01/27/2014 at 6:32pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, I asked my girlfriend's dad for permission to take her hand in marriage. He said no, because he doesn't want her marrying a "sexist idiot who treats her like property", which he thinks asking permission amounts to, then told me to grow up. FML

#21033078
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46125) - you deserved it (9051)

On 01/19/2014 at 5:59pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my husband and I are sick. He keeps whining about how bad he feels. I'm just as sick, as well as 7 months pregnant. I've not only been taking care of his whiny ass: I've cooked, cleaned, and gone to the store several times because the tissues we had were too rough on his nose. FML

#21035436
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58635) - you deserved it (8020)

On 01/21/2014 at 8:16pm - health - by AnonWife - United Kingdom (North Lincolnshire)

Today, I got a text from my girlfriend. After only having sex once, where I wore a condom and didn't even get to come, she says that she's pregnant. FML

#21016853
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52590) - you deserved it (7045)

On 01/04/2014 at 5:26pm - intimacy - by fuckmuppeter512 (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my younger brother asked if he could watch me put a tampon in. He's 17. FML

#21029617
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57305) - you deserved it (4743)

On 01/16/2014 at 8:37am - intimacy - by ugh (woman) - Vietnam (Ha Noi)

Today, I bought a new, expensive dress for a date. I left the tag on and hidden in hopes of returning it later. Someone saw it and ripped it off for me to "save me from embarrassment." FML

#21031476
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23454) - you deserved it (48721)

On 01/18/2014 at 3:33am - money - by unicorn_skies - United States (California)

Today, my sister found out that Justin Bieber got arrested and now she won't stop crying. 5ML

#21037837
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41875) - you deserved it (4962)

On 01/24/2014 at 12:28am - misc - by Estee1024 - United States (California)

Today, my French wife chose the name of our unborn baby girl. She wants to call her Fanny and won't change her mind. FML

#21015236
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40797) - you deserved it (4605)

On 01/03/2014 at 6:03am - kids - by noway (man) - France (Pays de la Loire)

Today, I was at my new boyfriend's house, and he was taking a shower. I had to take a crap real bad, but his apartment only has the one bathroom. I couldn't wait for him to finish, and ended having to shit in a plastic bag. FML

#21044466
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43260) - you deserved it (18774)

On 01/29/2014 at 7:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my 11 month-old son started viciously biting whatever part of my anatomy he can sink his teeth into. He thinks it is hysterical to latch on while I scream helplessly in pain for him to let go. FML

#21012312
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34590) - you deserved it (5124)

On 01/01/2014 at 12:38am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went down on the girl of my dreams. While I was down there, I started to put on a condom. As I came back up to start having sex, she told me she couldn't cheat on her boyfriend. FML

#21046118
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52397) - you deserved it (9398)

On 01/31/2014 at 10:29am - intimacy - by wtfjusthappened - United States (Washington)



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