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December 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I went to my bedroom for some alone time while my daughter watched TV. I didn't realize that my iPad was still connected to the Apple TV, until I hit play on some porn and heard a scream from the other room. FML

#21008990
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27618) - you deserved it (56945)

On 12/29/2013 at 2:01am - kids - by ConfusedDad - United States

Today, my 12-year-old daughter glued her left eyelid shut with fake eyelash glue. After spending 4 hours in the ER, I asked her why she did it. "I wanted to get Blake to notice me," she said. Blake is our neighbor's convict son. FML

Today, at my job as a night janitor, at which I work alone, I saw an old man enter a bathroom. When I went to investigate, it was completely empty. I'm now scared to work. FML

#20987406
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57468) - you deserved it (3695)

On 12/10/2013 at 4:50am - work - by scared shitless (man) - United States (California)

Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time. The first thing he did was show me a bullet, then he basically said that if I don't submit to his daughter's every whim, that bullet will end my life. FML

#21011731
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44552) - you deserved it (5356)

On 12/31/2013 at 3:57pm - love - by thisisavirus.exe (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boyfriend bought a onesie. He sleeps in it, goes out in it and won't take it off, not even for sex. FML

Today, I'm not getting paid 400$ per month because I failed my Russian language proficiency test. Russian is my first language. FML

#20980385
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39817) - you deserved it (16113)

On 12/04/2013 at 11:24am - work - by russianfail - United States (Texas)

Today, my strict Christian mother walked into my room just after I'd finished masturbating. Although dressed, I was still holding the used tissue, which she noticed. Having to think fast to disguise my deed and avoid an entire sermon, I had no option but to blow my nose with the spunky tissue. FML

#21009159
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54255) - you deserved it (27910)

On 12/29/2013 at 7:36am - intimacy - by Jizzyface (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I pulled over a speeding driver. I admit that I'd been hoping for this moment since I joined the police force; the moment a lady put her cleavage on display to get out of a ticket. Sadly, this lady was a senior citizen, and her breasts looked like two semi-deflated balloons. FML

#20977282
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47493) - you deserved it (21400)

On 12/01/2013 at 6:07pm - work - by fuck my eyeballs (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to take a shower. When I turned it on, no water came out. Only ants. FML

#21006941
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58302) - you deserved it (3734)

On 12/27/2013 at 2:28am - misc - by anon - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, I told my boyfriend that I've missed my period, and that I think I might be pregnant. He started panicking and ended up puking in the toilet. FML

#20980652
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45763) - you deserved it (11871)

On 12/04/2013 at 5:08pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, Christmas changed my life. Last year I had a boyfriend to cuddle with on Christmas; this year I have a body pillow of an anime character. FML

#21004509
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40775) - you deserved it (7109)

On 12/25/2013 at 2:46am - love - by lonely otaku (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, upon hearing of the death of Nelson Mandela, I posted a link on Facebook to the South African children's hospital in his name and donated. I was completely ignored whilst my newsfeed became clogged by my middle-class friends with "RIP Nelson Mandela" and photos of Morgan Freeman. FML

Today, my husband and I were arguing about him not communicating anymore. Instead of talking to me about it, he messages my mom to say, "I'm not mentally strong enough to handle her anymore." FML

#20996890
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40940) - you deserved it (5375)

On 12/18/2013 at 11:44am - love - by Iloverainbows10 (woman) - United States (Georgia)



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