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December 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time, after he repeatedly told me not to worry about bleeding, and reassuring me that he'd take care of me. He passed out halfway through. FML

#21002524
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49935) - you deserved it (6011)

On 12/23/2013 at 2:13pm - intimacy - by JoshuasGirl (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had to explain to my daughter that just because it says non-toxic on the crayons, it doesn't mean that you should eat them. She's 16. FML

#20977509
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42951) - you deserved it (5365)

On 12/01/2013 at 9:50pm - kids - by no she wasn't high - United States (Texas)

Today, my bandmate and I decided to propose to our girlfriends, who are also in the band, at the same time in the middle of a concert. His girlfriend said yes. Mine ran off the stage crying. FML

#20978799
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49786) - you deserved it (5768)

On 12/02/2013 at 10:42pm - love - by rock'n roller (man) -

Today, my boyfriend bought me a pair of jeans. I couldn't fit into them, and he reacted to this by saying I've gotten too fat for him, and he can't be with me anymore. I took them off and saw they were a size 4. I've been a size 8 for the past 2 years, and he knows this. FML

#21008500
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41933) - you deserved it (3111)

On 12/28/2013 at 5:34pm - health - by worstwaytodumpagirl (woman) - United Kingdom (Harrow)

Today, I dropped a $400 bottle of wine while trying to get the cork out. FML

#20982484
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42313) - you deserved it (16215)

On 12/06/2013 at 2:08am - money - by butterfingers - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, a kid from my school called me, saying he's going on vacation to Japan soon and that since I was born there, I could teach him the language. His exact words at the start of the call were: "Hey man, you speak Asian, right?" I have to be around this shithead 5 days a week. FML

#20992530
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43360) - you deserved it (3560)

On 12/14/2013 at 5:39pm - misc - by bnc (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, marks the third week since my sister's guinea pig learned to masturbate. He humps his wheel and makes squeaking noises for five minutes, then rolls over on his side and pants heavily. He does it at least twice a night while I'm trying to sleep. FML

#21008605
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46062) - you deserved it (3640)

On 12/28/2013 at 7:31pm - animals - by Anonomous - United States (Vermont)

Today, I introduced my dad, who is a surgeon, to the TV show House. I thought it'd be a good bonding experience. How wrong I was. He spent the whole time yelling about the "insane" medical inaccuracies, then lectured me about my crappy taste in TV. FML

#21011680
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35685) - you deserved it (9376)

On 12/31/2013 at 3:11pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my 13-year-old daughter excitedly told me about a new diet she read about online. Apparently, the diet entirely consists of bottled water and a mixture of food coloring. The food coloring "takes care of all that vitamin and mineral stuff." My daughter is an idiot. FML

#20985898
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47799) - you deserved it (7406)

On 12/09/2013 at 12:52am - kids - by Nofoodcoloringisnotasubstituteforfood (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my kittens hunted and killed their first prey. My hamster. FML

#20981341
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43738) - you deserved it (7114) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 12/05/2013 at 1:52am - animals - by Chatons - Switzerland

Today, while having sex with my husband, we had to move around our cat during position changes. Our cat controls our sex life. FML

#20978895
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41495) - you deserved it (15561)

On 12/02/2013 at 11:26pm - intimacy - by anon (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my dad decided to clean his muddy shoes right beside me by clapping them together, causing mud to fly all over me. This wouldn't have been a problem had I not been wearing my white wedding dress just before getting married. FML

#20989738
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55993) - you deserved it (3453)

On 12/12/2013 at 12:31am - misc - by >.> (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, a DJ friend of mine offered me a part in one of his tracks. I was flattered, and accepted. All I ended up singing was, "I'm a bitch, I'm a bitch" over and over again in the background. FML

#21008243
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38899) - you deserved it (6780) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 12/28/2013 at 9:46am - misc - by Cacahuete (woman) - Sent from mobile version



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