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December 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my fiancé left me waiting at the train station for two and a half hours because he offered his ex-girlfriend a lift to her friends wedding that was a few cities away. I normally wouldn't have minded, but I'm 6 months pregnant and it was pouring with rain. FML

Today, my wicked mother has been with us for a week. She's already thrown away my daughter's favorite toy, broke my computer, scratched my oak table, stained my most expensive shirt, peed in our bed, and called the attention of the cops by staring at kids in school. She's staying for three months. FML

Today, I caught a man standing on my porch, urinating on my house. I called the cops, who informed me that because my porch isn't fenced off, it's not trespassing, and because it's private property not visible from the street, the man wasn't urinating in public. FML

Today, is my little sister's 16th birthday. I spent my last $20 on a gift for her, cleaned the house for her party, made an ice cream cake, and got her a rose. What did I get? "I hope you kept the receipt for this. Oh, and stay in your room during my party." FML

#20988657
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54526) - you deserved it (3672)

On 12/11/2013 at 3:25am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I found a credit card at my job. As store policy goes, we have to cut up lost cards immediately after finding them to protect the cardholders. As I grab the scissors and cut, my manager calls out, "Has anyone seen my credit card?" FML

#20988740
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47122) - you deserved it (11099)

On 12/11/2013 at 7:33am - work - by mariology (man) - United States (Delaware)

Today, my friend's dog got hit by a car. I was the only one not in shock, and had to drag the poor thing off the road, then comfort a hysterical friend while the driver verbally abused us and demanded we pay for the repairs to his car. FML

Today, I came across a tourist in the street asking people for directions, but nobody understood him. I speak English, so I went to help the gentleman out. He said "Knock it off with the cheesy accent, pal" and informed me that my country is a shithole. FML

#20991671
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43282) - you deserved it (3430)

On 12/13/2013 at 5:20pm - misc - by thank u usa (man) - Germany

Today, my mother decided to inform me that she doesn't believe canned food can have an expiry date and that the food is still okay to eat years after the 'supposed' expiry date. She's probably been cooking my dinner with expired food for over 17 years. FML

#20998308
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39350) - you deserved it (4799)

On 12/19/2013 at 5:49pm - health - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my mom called to bestow upon me warm holiday pearls of wisdom: "I hope you aren't giving everyone your natural handmade eco-shit again. Gifts should be returnable. And have a price." FML

Today, I found out that if you accidentally step on your boss's dog's tail, yes, you can get fired. But not because you stepped on the dog's tail. You didn't say sorry. FML

#20979207
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28238) - you deserved it (40586)

On 12/03/2013 at 9:04am - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I watched "Time of the Doctor" and I'm pretty sure my love of Doctor Who slithered out through my ear and shamefully lodged itself in the darkest corner of the room, crying. FML

#21005939
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34160) - you deserved it (8558)

On 12/26/2013 at 7:08am - love - by anon - Australia

Today, I had to tell McDonald's that my 11-year-old son thought it would be funny to take a dump in the urinal. I then had to clean it up. FML

#20994572
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39770) - you deserved it (13295)

On 12/16/2013 at 11:34am - kids - by failedfather (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I found out that my dad is actually my uncle, and vice-versa. FML

#20994621
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56971) - you deserved it (3269)

On 12/16/2013 at 12:49pm - misc - by confsused - Canada (Ontario)



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