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October 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend was rubbing my leg. He started laughing and said, "Babe, is this your leg, or am I petting Daisy?" Daisy is my dog. I need to shave. FML

#20910814
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27677) - you deserved it (37491)

On 10/07/2013 at 10:32am - misc - by loserllamalick (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my mom let me stay home from school, because I was sick. We both agreed not to tell my dad, since he's adamant that I never miss even one day of school. A few hours after my mom left for work, he came back home, with another woman. FML

#20925128
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68960) - you deserved it (3218)

On 10/18/2013 at 12:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, I saw a wasp on the ground, apparently injured and unable to fly. It was being mobbed by ants and looked certain to die, so I stamped on the ants to save its life. At this point it sprung up, stung me, then flew off. FML

#20932403
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36373) - you deserved it (25279)

On 10/24/2013 at 2:04pm - animals - by MBean (man) - Anguilla

Today, my boss gave me a verbal warning. My crime? Calling people "hon", "darlin'", and the like. I work at a Texas diner. FML

#20924228
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44936) - you deserved it (5544)

On 10/17/2013 at 5:36pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I came across some bubble wrap. Turned out it was a special type of bubble wrap that cannot be popped. FML

#20924315
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48171) - you deserved it (4363)

On 10/17/2013 at 6:57pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mother kept nagging at me because my 9-month-old daughter only calms down when I play her metal. She demands I use gospel, otherwise she will turn into a "devil-worshipping lunatic like her mother". FML

#20915864
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44726) - you deserved it (4870)

On 10/10/2013 at 11:04pm - kids - by SlapAndTickle - United States

Today, the tickets I bought for my favorite band's concert arrived in the mail. The concert was last night. FML

#20935170
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47741) - you deserved it (4304)

On 10/27/2013 at 12:11am - misc - by MsConfusedd (woman) - United States

Today, I was so sexually frustrated that I tried getting off with a banana. It was not enjoyable, for me or the banana. FML

#20906275
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36265) - you deserved it (30361)

On 10/03/2013 at 6:46pm - intimacy - by Kyra.45 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, trying to be romantic, I started coming on to my wife while in bed, only for her to yet again say she wasn't in the mood. When I asked why she never is lately, she sarcastically blamed it on the government shutdown, then rolled over to go to sleep. FML

#20916670
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52124) - you deserved it (5652)

On 10/11/2013 at 5:00pm - intimacy - by (-__- ) ( ^.^) (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I asked my students to buy a copy of Anne Frank's diary for an assignment. One of them asked me in all seriousness who wrote it. FML

#20925665
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44712) - you deserved it (4667) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 10/18/2013 at 8:05pm - kids - by Huedadaa - France (Picardie)

Today, I heard crashing noises coming from my dining room. I got up to see what it was; my asshat cat was flinging himself at my chandelier. He'd figured out how to grab the ceiling fan from the other room, build momentum, and launch into my expensive chandelier. Hooray. FML

#20929956
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46158) - you deserved it (4885)

On 10/22/2013 at 5:12am - animals - by IamAflyingCat - United States

Today, my mom was acting really pissy, and I couldn't help but mutter that she must be on her period. Five hours later, I'm glued to the toilet with my phone, because she went all out for revenge and spiked my dinner with some hellishly potent kind of laxative. FML

#20917903
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42687) - you deserved it (24132)

On 10/12/2013 at 6:03pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Iceland (Borgarfjardarsysla)



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