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October 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, we found out that my unborn sibling is a girl, and my parents quickly named her. In a few years' time, "Candida" is going to catch all kinds of shit at school, just like I do for being named Dorothy. My "friends" have already started calling me "lil' yeast infection's sis". FML

#20935789
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31540) - you deserved it (2209)

On 10/27/2013 at 3:52pm - misc - by Dor51 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, at the age of 23, I brought my boyfriend over to meet my parents. My father swabbed his mouth for DNA and fingerprinted him. FML

Today, my five-year-old daughters realized that if one of them rang the doorbell, it would keep me distracted long enough for the other one to steal cookies from the kitchen. FML

#20922561
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44062) - you deserved it (6078)

On 10/16/2013 at 9:33am - kids - by TiredMum - United States (Washington)

Today, I was talking dirty to my long-distance lover while touching myself, when a cockroach fell from my ceiling and landed on the hand I was molesting myself with. FML

#20915065
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44011) - you deserved it (14574)

On 10/10/2013 at 11:40am - intimacy - by DisgustinglyFrustrated - Argentina (Santa Fe)

Today, my husband yelled from upstairs, "Babe! BABE, COME QUICK!" Terrified that something might have happened to our newborn daughter, I rushed up, only to find out he just wanted to show me that he'd learned how to spin a top on the tip of his penis without it falling. FML

#20908628
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43578) - you deserved it (5177)

On 10/05/2013 at 5:28pm - intimacy - by -____- (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I created a poster trying to raise self-harm awareness in teens for my school. They sent me to the counselor, suspended me, and recommended I go to therapy. FML

Today, I was at Petsmart with my puppy. Someone tried to pet him. I tried to warn the guy that he is a rescue and doesn't trust easily. He didn't listen and now wants to sue me for a dog bite that didn't even break the skin. FML

#20906371
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38770) - you deserved it (2353)

On 10/03/2013 at 8:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I witnessed my boyfriend taking a dump in the litter box. He said he wanted to know what it felt like for the cat. FML

#20930986
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43066) - you deserved it (5182)

On 10/23/2013 at 12:04pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, after months of exercise and diets and finally reaching my ideal weight, I told my morbidly obese cousin about my success, hoping to motivate him to do the same. He replied, "Why would it matter, you're still ugly." FML

#20921493
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44174) - you deserved it (4935)

On 10/15/2013 at 1:08pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to dinner with a guy I like and paid the $120 bill. After joking that he was an expensive date, he replied, "I laugh at how you think this is a date." FML

#20905656
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46199) - you deserved it (4868)

On 10/03/2013 at 4:14am - love - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years drunkenly proposed to me, while sitting on the crapper, with the door open. FML

#20927152
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41067) - you deserved it (4183)

On 10/20/2013 at 3:06am - love - by ShittyProposal - United States (Ohio)

Today, I have been home sick and depressed for so long that I just found Oreo crumbs in my belly button. FML

#20911052
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33313) - you deserved it (15082)

On 10/07/2013 at 2:55pm - health - by Sadness (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my girlfriend got a detention for public display of affection. We go to different schools. FML

#20937522
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50929) - you deserved it (3517)

On 10/29/2013 at 12:24am - love - by cmart_9 (man) - United States (Indiana)



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