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October 2013

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Today, my brother finally paid me the $60 he owed me. I later found out that he'd stolen those $60 from my wallet. FML

by Anonymous / 10/03/2013 at 5:40pm / Canada (Ontario) / Money

Today, my mother came over to my apartment for a surprise visit. It wasn't until after she left that I realized that I left a half empty bottle of adult toy cleaner on the counter in the bathroom. FML

by katt_is_here / 10/06/2013 at 1:51am / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my grandmother called me in a fit of panic because her new neighbors are black. So is my fiancé, whom she is supposed to meet tomorrow. FML

by secretsmakefriends / 10/15/2013 at 5:43pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom got drunk at our family reunion and told everyone how worried she is that my "excessive masturbation" would damage the nerves in both my dick and arm. FML

by goodgrief / 10/30/2013 at 2:28pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my bully made me cry once again. It's been going on for weeks. I don't know who to turn to; I can't say anything because I'd get into even more trouble. He even stole my Nintendo 3DS and won't give it back. My bully is my girlfriend's son. He's 10. FML

by PickedOnByDamien / 10/02/2013 at 4:12am / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, I was in an Austrian bar, making polite conversation in my broken German with a slightly odd middle-aged man. He said, winking, that he was near to his pension. I smiled and nodded, thinking he was talking about retirement. My friend later informed me that 'pension' is German for 'apartment'. Ew. FML

by Anonymous / 10/01/2013 at 3:30am / Austria (Wien) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time after we made up from a huge fight. He loves my cat, but she's sick right now so she wouldn't play with him. He yelled at me for "making" her not like him by "telling her lies". FML

by littlekellilee / 10/07/2013 at 12:20pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Animals

Today, my financial troubles got so bad, I contemplated visiting a friend simply so I could swipe their deodorant. FML

by moneymoneymoney / 10/08/2013 at 10:34am / United States (Florida) / Money

Today, I'm severely sunburned and can barely walk properly. My boyfriend keeps telling his friends that it's because of "how hard he gave it to me last night". FML

by snowwhite / 10/28/2013 at 12:51am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, I was told there was a bench warrant out for my arrest because a notice to appear for jury duty was sent to my old address and I never responded. I haven't lived at my old address for 2 years. FML

by novapine / 10/01/2013 at 4:34am / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous

Today, I sent my girlfriend a text this morning saying I love you. I rarely do this and instead of receiving the same message back, I got a message from my girlfriend accusing me of meaning to send it to someone else and dumped me. FML

by anonymous / 10/01/2013 at 1:36am / United States (West Virginia) / Love

Today, I moved into a new house, I couldn't help but notice a car alarm going off, so I investigated my neighbors. Turns out it's their bird. It imitates chainsaws, car alarms, and much more. FML

by Mike Messenger / 10/05/2013 at 9:51am / United States (Florida) / Animals

Today, after almost 2 days, I finally fell asleep, during my husband's vows, on our wedding day, in front of 250 guests. FML

by angryinlaws / 10/12/2013 at 3:23am / Canada (Ontario) / Love