Choose the period

All time / Top of the month / Top of the week / Top of the day
October 2013

Choose a category

Agreed
Commented
Favorited

Today, I had to buy a new boxcutter for work after our old one broke. It came in a box, the type which policy requires a boxcutter to open. FML

by Awahso / 10/16/2013 at 5:42pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I spent an excruciating hour walking to campus with a broken leg, only to find my professor had left a note on the door saying class was canceled. FML

by LegInPieces / 10/17/2013 at 12:34pm / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, a coworker at school yelled at one of our students to be quiet. The kid got pretty upset, so I went to comfort him. He held my hand for the rest of the class, telling me in vivid detail how he was going to kill my coworker. Now I'm afraid to look at him. FML

by Anonymous / 10/01/2013 at 12:36pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I met a really nice girl at a club. One thing led to another, and she told me to meet her out front in 5 minutes. I was so drunk that I stumbled into the restroom instead, then curled up on the floor crying in despair when I realized my mistake. FML

by vcarder / 10/04/2013 at 4:25pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, and for the fifth week in a row, my dad has been moping around and acting pissy about everything because his psycho girlfriend won't talk to him. He now claims his life is over. I'm being raised by a teenage girl. FML

by SuperFail55 / 10/01/2013 at 8:33pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was maced. Not by a person, but rather by one of those automatic air fresheners in the bathroom. It was conveniently placed at eye level, you know, for freshness. FML

by erockinthesuburb / 10/15/2013 at 8:38pm / United States (Indiana) / Health

Today, I got a call from my daughter’s school today. She had been telling the teacher, "I have a huge boner." Apparently, some of the kids at school told her it meant 'headache' and she's been saying it all day. FML

by momaaa1342 / 10/20/2013 at 11:51pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids

Today, I opened up to my parents about my depression. Their response was to have a very heated discussion about whose fault it was. FML

by Anonymous / 10/22/2013 at 12:44am / Chile (Region Metropolitana) / Health

Today, I woke up with a raging hangover. I soon checked my phone, only to find that I'd drunkenly sent nude pictures to several friends' numbers, as well as to my own. I'd then replied to my own message, saying that I'm not gay and telling myself to fuck off. FML

by Anonymous / 10/18/2013 at 1:30pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, a friend complimented me on my "smoky eyeshadow". I wasn't wearing eye makeup. She was complimenting the result of my insomnia. FML

by Tired / 10/02/2013 at 12:22pm / United Kingdom (East Sussex) / Health

Today, my brother finally paid me the $60 he owed me. I later found out that he'd stolen those $60 from my wallet. FML

by Anonymous / 10/03/2013 at 5:40pm / Canada (Ontario) / Money

Today, my mother came over to my apartment for a surprise visit. It wasn't until after she left that I realized that I left a half empty bottle of adult toy cleaner on the counter in the bathroom. FML

by katt_is_here / 10/06/2013 at 1:51am / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my grandmother called me in a fit of panic because her new neighbors are black. So is my fiancé, whom she is supposed to meet tomorrow. FML

by secretsmakefriends / 10/15/2013 at 5:43pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous