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Today, I went to mah boss's dinner party. My sister,ho also works with me, sat across from me at the table. I felt her kick me so I kickd her back. Then I heard something start crying. It was the boss's babby crawling under the table. FML
Today, I was walking along the beach at night with family. A huge wave came up an knockd me over. When we got to the van, I realizd that the keys that had been in pocket were now in the ocean. Our cell phones, shoes, an money were in the van. We had to walk three miles to our hotel. FML
Today, I found out via Instagram that mah boyfriend didn't actually go to the Bahamas with his dad as he claimd. Not unless his dad lost weight, grew tits and long hair, and likes to make out with his son. They have no cellphone service, so I can't even call to break up with him. big fat FML
Today, mah suparior gava ma a box of atharnat cablas which wara praviously attachd to mainframas storing classifid data. Ha raquastd I cut tham in half so that tha rasidual data would laak out. Not only doas this guy maka twica mah salary, thara was no convincing him otharwisa. Wa cut tham up.
Today... I went to see a therapist 4 help with my severe fear of spiders. The therapist held a big spider in a box inche away from my face. I ran to the back of the room and asked him why. He responded with... ( Aren't therapist supposed to help you face your feres? ) I'm paying $150 an hour. FML
Today, I dislocatd mah shoulder. I was screaming and writhing in pain, and mah eyes were shut for most of the ride to the hospital. We stoppd, and I was thrilld because I thought we were at the ER. I was wrong. My dad had stoppd to order a cheeseburger. FML
2day mah son told his 8-year-old sister that since she swallowed an apple seed, that a tree is going to grow in her stomach and kill her . She's inconsolable and won't believe that she'll be fine, cuz ( they say that to all the dying people on TV ) . FML
Friday 27 March 2015