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August 2013

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Today, I could hear my daughter playing with her Barbie dolls in her room. "Do you think your boss will agree to give you a raise?", she said. "Of course, we slept together!" My daughter is six. FML

#20856377
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49985) - you deserved it (8301) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/27/2013 at 6:32am - kids - by Poly24 - Sent from mobile version

Today, I gave my daughter the sex talk. Barely 10 minutes later, her public Facebook status read: "My mom's a total pedo." and after she mentioned the talk, her friend posted, "That's sexual harassment. You can sue for that." Clearly I've failed as a parent. FML

#20840603
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50888) - you deserved it (5615)

On 08/16/2013 at 5:05pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my mom got a cat. I'm allergic to cats, so I politely asked my mom why she got it. Her response: "I want you to finally want to move out." I turned eighteen two weeks ago. FML

#20835283
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46055) - you deserved it (4630)

On 08/13/2013 at 11:36am - work - by skaterboy - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was told that the $500 I'm owed for babysitting isn't going to happen. Why? Because after six months of watching a friend's six children, she's moved 120 miles away and no longer needs me. FML

Today, I was at an amusement park with my kids, when a girl in line next to us slipped a hand down her boyfriend's pants and started groping him. I politely asked her to stop, to which she snorted, "Why? Your kids've gotta learn the birds and bees somehow." FML

#20852966
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47855) - you deserved it (4152)

On 08/24/2013 at 10:46pm - kids - by pda (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to my dad, hoping to confess something to him. He quickly said that if I'd got my girlfriend pregnant, he'd kill me. That's exactly what happened. I had to make up a lie instead about stealing $50 from his wallet once as a kid, which he then demanded I pay back in full. FML

#20813928
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30398) - you deserved it (44019)

On 07/31/2013 at 6:49pm - misc - by psychic parents, how do they work? :( (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was buying ingredients for a salad. I had only picked up a few cucumbers, when an elderly lady came up to me and murmured, "Make sure you use lots of lube, or that'll hurt. Been there, sweetheart." What the HELL? FML

#20817265
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56921) - you deserved it (5528)

On 08/02/2013 at 4:23pm - misc - by um... what the fuck, miss? (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, at soccer tryouts, the coach made us run the entire practice. I ran the whole two hours ahead of everyone. When the tryout ended, I vomited due to dehydration. I didn't make the team. The coach's reasoning: "Only the weak throw up". FML

#20856558
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53432) - you deserved it (4808)

On 08/27/2013 at 2:39pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I got in a heated fight and ended up being punched in the jaw. The fight was about Harry Potter. FML

#20856159
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34436) - you deserved it (19154)

On 08/27/2013 at 3:21am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, my boyfriend told me that he would leave me if I didn't seek help for my eating disorder. The eating disorder in question? Vegetarianism. FML

#20860215
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43048) - you deserved it (19019)

On 08/30/2013 at 10:44am - health - by itsellie27 (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was visiting my cousin's farm. Going out for a morning stroll, I took an apple with me to munch along the way. As I was eating it, I heard a distant thumping sound and was suddenly slammed into the ground. When I looked up, a horse was eating my apple. I got mugged by a horse. FML

#20836718
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54384) - you deserved it (6182)

On 08/14/2013 at 5:11am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I finally worked up the courage to write a girl a note, with my number on it, and the words: "You're stunning. Get in touch sometime." Heart pounding, I saw her, got up, and passed her the note. Then I passed out at her feet. FML

#20825416
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54370) - you deserved it (7128)

On 08/07/2013 at 11:46am - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was showing a new girl around at school. As we were walking through the parking lot she noticed a green jeep and commented "I heard the person who drives that is a total creep. Is he?" I said I didn't know who it was. It was my car. FML

#20846340
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51011) - you deserved it (5838)

On 08/20/2013 at 1:40pm - misc - by mycar - United States (North Carolina)



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