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August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while working at a client's house, I noticed that their sliding calendar was several months off. I fixed it. Later the daughter saw and started crying. Apparently the date was the last one her mother had set it to before she died. FML

#20857966
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32008) - you deserved it (55221)

On 08/28/2013 at 2:50pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, I received a lemon in a box in the mail. I didn't know from who it was, nor how he or she knows my address. There was a note on it: "When life gives you lemons, date me." FML

#20837021
190 comments

Today, my girlfriend freaked out, thinking she might be pregnant due to her period being late. I found myself reminding her that one actually has to have had sex recently to become pregnant. We've been living together, sexless, for over a year. FML

#20859311
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55485) - you deserved it (6212)

On 08/29/2013 at 2:12pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, while taking a walk in the forest, someone approached me and asked to borrow the knife I had clipped to my pocket. I happily obliged, assuming he just needed it as a tool. Instead, he used the knife to mug me, taking my cellphone and my wallet. I was robbed with my own knife. FML

Today, my daughter, who was born in late 2000, mentioned how amazing it is that she'll be alive during the year 3000. I asked her exactly how old she thinks she'll be by then. She said, "Thirty, duh." I've screwed up as a parent, so very badly. FML

#20823686
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59916) - you deserved it (14918)

On 08/06/2013 at 11:19am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I confessed my feelings to the guy I've had the biggest crush on. He spent the next ten minutes calling me delusional, said that I know nothing about him, and laughed that "this isn't Twilight, for fuck's sake". All he did when I started crying was pat me on the head and leave. FML

#20826991
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52771) - you deserved it (9216)

On 08/08/2013 at 8:54am - love - by names suck and so do I (woman) - United Kingdom (Oxfordshire)

Today, I woke up to a very unpleasant feeling. Apparently, the tattoo I got on my arm a couple of days ago attracted hundreds of ants during its healing process. They were literally carrying away pieces of my skin. I can not get the feeling or image out of my head. FML

#20846451
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55183) - you deserved it (6184)

On 08/20/2013 at 3:04pm - misc - by aly55a_mariie (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my husband begged me to go down on him while he sat on the toilet, taking a crap. He tried to convince me that we'd both somehow experience mind-blowing orgasms. FML

#20815318
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59615) - you deserved it (6570)

On 08/01/2013 at 2:06pm - intimacy - by countryblumpkin (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my band informed me that our gig this afternoon was actually a wedding. Whose wedding? My ex-wife's, along with the guy she cheated on me with. For their first dance, I had to sing what used to be our song. FML

#20844435
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76175) - you deserved it (4238)

On 08/19/2013 at 9:06am - love - by Love stinks (man) - United States

Today, I found out that the very good-looking woman who sings for one of my favorite bands is actually a guy. FML

#20858850
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35028) - you deserved it (8369)

On 08/29/2013 at 3:07am - misc - by Pontiacman92 (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I did something I'd always wanted to do: I went swimming with dolphins. It was really fun, until I went to kiss the dolphin, and she slipped her tongue half into my mouth. FML

#20849713
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42952) - you deserved it (13824)

On 08/22/2013 at 6:45pm - animals - by violated ._. (woman) - United States

Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old standing over me with a pillow. I asked him what he was doing, and he replied that he and Steve were playing a game, but Steve said I have to be asleep for it. Steve is my son's imaginary friend. I'm convinced Steve wants to kill me. FML

#20842823
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52356) - you deserved it (3136)

On 08/18/2013 at 5:37am - kids - by DrtySnchez - United States (Georgia)

Today, my 14-year-old daughter convinced my son that when he was born, he was actually born as a girl, but we wanted a boy so bad we had his gender changed. Now he wants to change back to a girl because now he doesn't feel right as a boy. Last year, she got her other brother to cross dress. FML

#20832766
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51909) - you deserved it (5518)

On 08/11/2013 at 8:58pm - kids - by mydaughterisdisturbed - United States (Indiana)



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