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August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I noticed that my new shampoo had an unfamiliar pink color to it. After some investigation, I found a dead mouse that had apparently cut itself on the bottle pump. I've been washing my hair with mouse blood. FML

#20825465
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59817) - you deserved it (5231)

On 08/07/2013 at 12:34pm - misc - by shampoomice (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I gave my daughter the sex talk. Barely 10 minutes later, her public Facebook status read: "My mom's a total pedo." and after she mentioned the talk, her friend posted, "That's sexual harassment. You can sue for that." Clearly I've failed as a parent. FML

#20840603
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55152) - you deserved it (6070)

On 08/16/2013 at 5:05pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my little sister opened a lemonade stand in front of our house. Surprisingly, she actually had a lot of customers, all kids. Two hours or so later, some parents came back complaining and threatening to sue my family. Turns out that what we thought was lemonade was actually beer. FML

Today, while cleaning my ears with Q-tips, I came in my pants. FML

#20835942
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52275) - you deserved it (18580)

On 08/13/2013 at 7:53pm - intimacy - by ANON (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got a call from my son's kindergarten teacher. Apparently my son asked a girl to marry him. After she said no, he stabbed her with a fork. FML

#20829995
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63733) - you deserved it (5876)

On 08/10/2013 at 12:02am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got my girlfriend to play Smash Bros Brawl with me. As it was her first time, I set up handicaps to give her at least a shot at winning. She won, quite handily. A little irritated at this, I took off the handicaps and tried again. She beat me even faster. FML

#20847705
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42171) - you deserved it (25143)

On 08/21/2013 at 11:17am - misc - by Loser (man) - United States

Today, someone told me that my initials really fit my personality. I took it as a strange compliment, until I realized my initials spell "ew". FML

#20832005
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46157) - you deserved it (4433)

On 08/11/2013 at 9:09am - misc - by ew - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I took my driving test. As I was about to turn at a green light, a car sped toward us from the other direction, running a red light. My instructor failed me because I stopped to avoid getting rammed. Apparently I should have kept going, because it was my right of way. FML

#20830853
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63612) - you deserved it (3492)

On 08/10/2013 at 3:28pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my little brother grabbed my boobs and wouldn't let go until I pried his hands off. When I told my mom, her response was, "Get over it. He's a little kid who doesn't know any better." He's 14 years old. FML

#20848790
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56981) - you deserved it (3597)

On 08/22/2013 at 12:48am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I had to endure my girlfriend crying and screaming at me. The reason? I'm not able to please her like the fictional character Christian Grey in 50 Shades of Grey. When she left me, she took all her stuff and left me with copies of the 3 books. FML

#20845941
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44704) - you deserved it (4272)

On 08/20/2013 at 4:06am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my mom got a cat. I'm allergic to cats, so I politely asked my mom why she got it. Her response: "I want you to finally want to move out." I turned eighteen two weeks ago. FML

#20835283
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48787) - you deserved it (4868)

On 08/13/2013 at 11:36am - work - by skaterboy - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was at an amusement park with my kids, when a girl in line next to us slipped a hand down her boyfriend's pants and started groping him. I politely asked her to stop, to which she snorted, "Why? Your kids've gotta learn the birds and bees somehow." FML

#20852966
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51237) - you deserved it (4438)

On 08/24/2013 at 10:46pm - kids - by pda (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I got in a heated fight and ended up being punched in the jaw. The fight was about Harry Potter. FML

#20856159
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37340) - you deserved it (20444)

On 08/27/2013 at 3:21am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (New Brunswick)



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