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August 2013

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Today, my little sister opened a lemonade stand in front of our house. Surprisingly, she actually had a lot of customers, all kids. Two hours or so later, some parents came back complaining and threatening to sue my family. Turns out that what we thought was lemonade was actually beer. FML

Today, I finally felt ready to make love to my boyfriend for the first time. It all went great, until I tried putting the condom on him. In the process, I managed to nick his penis not once, but three times with my nails. His eyes brimmed with tears and he completely lost his erection. FML

#20817205
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46683) - you deserved it (25427)

On 08/02/2013 at 3:44pm - intimacy - by fuck but no fuck (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, I had a group presentation. I kept zipping my jacket up and down nervously. As I waited for my turn, I realized a bunch of classmates staring at me. I forgot that in the morning rush, I only put on a jacket. I only had a bra on underneath. FML

Today, my mum picked up a bunch of tissues that were scattered around my room. She examined them, then asked me to stop wasting her potential grandchildren. FML

#20825949
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49746) - you deserved it (40615)

On 08/07/2013 at 6:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Egypt

Today, I asked out a guy at work that I really like. He just stared at me and said, "Honestly? I'd rather smash my balls with a mallet. No offense." FML

#20828908
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52030) - you deserved it (4605)

On 08/09/2013 at 10:54am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - France

Today, I had to endure my girlfriend crying and screaming at me. The reason? I'm not able to please her like the fictional character Christian Grey in 50 Shades of Grey. When she left me, she took all her stuff and left me with copies of the 3 books. FML

#20845941
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43359) - you deserved it (4170)

On 08/20/2013 at 4:06am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went to my car to get a few things, when I discovered it had been broken into. Nothing of value was taken. My window was busted in just for a pack of cigarettes, a lighter, and my car ash tray. FML

#20833889
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41217) - you deserved it (6560)

On 08/12/2013 at 2:54pm - misc - by amayasoma - United States (Louisiana)

Today, someone told me that my initials really fit my personality. I took it as a strange compliment, until I realized my initials spell "ew". FML

#20832005
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45012) - you deserved it (4329)

On 08/11/2013 at 9:09am - misc - by ew - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, a customer wanted a military discount for buying two 39 cent Slim Jims. I work at an auto parts store. FML

#20854690
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34866) - you deserved it (3302)

On 08/26/2013 at 1:51am - work - by luvmypony (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I enlisted in the military. My dad now finds it necessary to act like a drill sergeant. This includes yelling at me everywhere we go to prepare me for basic training. Training begins in four months. FML

#20830066
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41828) - you deserved it (6312)

On 08/10/2013 at 12:41am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I got a call from my son's kindergarten teacher. Apparently my son asked a girl to marry him. After she said no, he stabbed her with a fork. FML

#20829995
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59627) - you deserved it (5454)

On 08/10/2013 at 12:02am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend was suspended from work after she was caught fucking one of her co-workers. FML

#20827542
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63552) - you deserved it (4723)

On 08/08/2013 at 4:20pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Slough)

Today, I took my driving test. As I was about to turn at a green light, a car sped toward us from the other direction, running a red light. My instructor failed me because I stopped to avoid getting rammed. Apparently I should have kept going, because it was my right of way. FML

#20830853
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62369) - you deserved it (3401)

On 08/10/2013 at 3:28pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)



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