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July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was on drive-thru where I work. Our policy is that we can give free treats to dogs that come through. A woman came in and I noticed her dog. Without a thought, I grabbed a treat and asked if her dog wanted one. I looked again. The 'dog' was her daughter. FML

#20792109
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50019) - you deserved it (24795)

On 07/19/2013 at 9:54am - work - by Treats For Days - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my grandma walked into my house drunk. She was mumbling something about her being a badass because she beat someone with a pool stick at a bar. She's 68 years old. FML

#20804067
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39393) - you deserved it (3843)

On 07/26/2013 at 2:10am - misc - by dareyale (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my husband wanted to try anal for the first time. His attempt to sound romantic was him saying, "Open your buns, the meat is ready." FML

#20767385
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55255) - you deserved it (7770)

On 07/06/2013 at 5:21pm - intimacy - by hamburger - United States (Michigan)

Today, after recovering from pneumonia and a severe asthma attack caused by my dad's fiancée's cat, he chose to keep the cat. I can't go to his house without having to go to the hospital later. FML

#20781390
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41443) - you deserved it (3534)

On 07/14/2013 at 1:35am - health - by coughcough - United States

Today, I got angry after not being able to have an orgasm. What was I angry at? My own hand. FML

#20759304
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45239) - you deserved it (21588)

On 07/02/2013 at 2:47am - intimacy - by lonely girl (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I walked in on my 14-year-old son apparently practicing his oral sex skills on the crotch of one of his sister's Barbie dolls. FML

#20765717
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51228) - you deserved it (4878)

On 07/05/2013 at 6:45pm - kids - by The fuck, junior? (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I crawled into bed with my boyfriend. He was snoring loudly which is how I knew he was passed out cold. Once I was under the blanket next to him, he slowly turned over, stared me straight in the face and said, "I have to kill you". Then started snoring again. FML

Today, I went on a blind date. The guy greeted me with a "What's up, bitch?", which I wrote off as him just being really laid-back. By dessert, he'd asked me if my boobs are real, then when we finished, asked how many more dates it'd take before I put out. So much for that. FML

#20777868
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50833) - you deserved it (7325)

On 07/12/2013 at 3:33pm - love - by ElodieUNU (woman) - France

Today, I realised that I can tell my 6 cats apart by the sound of their paws on the carpet. I think I need friends. FML

#20803453
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44637) - you deserved it (8841)

On 07/25/2013 at 8:13pm - misc - by Anonymous - South Africa

Today, my mom got drunk and punched me in the nose, then yelled at me for bleeding on the carpet. FML

#20777221
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55761) - you deserved it (4346)

On 07/12/2013 at 3:22am - misc - by ouch (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend posted a screenshot from a porno on my Facebook, because the girl in it looked freakishly similar to me. My dad commented, asking for a link to the video. FML

#20797729
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52570) - you deserved it (4072)

On 07/22/2013 at 3:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Trinidad and Tobago (Port-of-Spain)

Today, I announced my third pregnancy to my family. My dad's only reaction was to scoff, "Really? Stop breeding already." FML

#20780277
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45208) - you deserved it (14895)

On 07/13/2013 at 4:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, saying, "I'm not ready for a serious relationship." We're supposed to get married in a month. FML

#20802342
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55350) - you deserved it (3351)

On 07/25/2013 at 1:47am - love - by anonymous - United States (Missouri)



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