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July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I confessed to losing my wife's engagement ring, and replacing it with a lookalike months ago. My wife also confessed that her actual engagement ring was locked in the safe, and the one I lost had been a fake. I've been paying the replacement off on my credit card for 6 months. FML

#20798091
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42971) - you deserved it (13112)

On 07/22/2013 at 6:30pm - love - by RonnieG (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was pretending to be a ballerina. I was dancing around my room, making a complete dick of myself. I eventually caught sight of a pair of guys grinning and filming me with their cellphones through my window. FML

#20811460
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40108) - you deserved it (13216)

On 07/30/2013 at 12:42pm - misc - by kiwichick4life (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend's dream came true; he had always wanted to break a bed during sex. The bed he broke was a heirloom in my family for 150 years. The best part: he was by himself. FML

#20804404
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59826) - you deserved it (5137)

On 07/26/2013 at 9:09am - intimacy - by amiezingme - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was eating a corndog, when my boyfriend jokingly told me to "take it deeper". I did, and ended up choking and throwing up all over the table. FML

#20775966
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26087) - you deserved it (49345)

On 07/11/2013 at 1:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I called an airline to try to locate a bag I left on a flight. When I told the phone rep which airport I flew into, he asked me what city it was in. He paused after I told him, then asked me what state Seattle is in. I don't think I'll be getting my bag back. FML

#20798415
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41260) - you deserved it (3407)

On 07/22/2013 at 10:18pm - misc - by 1942ford (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I had to have a serious talk with my 30-year-old husband about why Sesame Street isn't a "soap opera." FML

#20811311
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38931) - you deserved it (4638)

On 07/30/2013 at 10:25am - misc - by imagrouch (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my husband removed the TV from our bedroom to improve our sex life. Still no sex because he watches TV on his iPhone. FML

#20799897
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49249) - you deserved it (4255)

On 07/23/2013 at 6:42pm - intimacy - by oddgrrl99 (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my family. Over the next hour, a huge religious debate erupted, and my grandfather drunkenly told us all how he almost killed himself once while experimenting with auto-erotic asphyxiation. My boyfriend called us all crazy and seems to have dumped me. FML

#20788678
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47198) - you deserved it (5121)

On 07/17/2013 at 4:13pm - love - by fuck family (woman) - Poland (Dolnoslaskie)

Today, a co-worker verbally abused me because I yawned. His excuse was that, "It's contagious". FML

#20800837
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38425) - you deserved it (3968)

On 07/24/2013 at 5:15am - work - by CapNCook (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend and I were spooning in bed, nude, when I accidentally farted. He freaked out and asked in all seriousness if I was trying to give his dick pink-eye. FML

#20813792
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46799) - you deserved it (7661)

On 07/31/2013 at 5:23pm - misc - by -_____- (woman) - Netherlands

Today, my daughter's biggest aspiration is to create a time machine for the sole purpose of going to the '70s to see the Ramones in concert. FML

#20810453
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34794) - you deserved it (8671)

On 07/29/2013 at 9:32pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I tried to help a bird who had broken his wing. I walked straight into a door while looking down at him in my hands, and ended up all but breaking his other wing. FML

#20809873
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40390) - you deserved it (12471)

On 07/29/2013 at 3:11pm - animals - by TehUglyLife (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had the opportunity to taste a live spider by walking into its web in the dark. FML

#20770695
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43549) - you deserved it (4575)

On 07/08/2013 at 2:55pm - misc - by pinkXpress1023 - United Kingdom



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