Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I went over my girlfriend of 3 months' house for the first time. As we walked through the door, I was greeted by a little girl whose first words to me were, "Are you my daddy?" FML

#20766295
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55618) - you deserved it (4749)

On 07/06/2013 at 12:17am - love - by walker - United States

Today, I actually had to teach my 9-year-old brother how to pour himself a glass of milk, after he burst out in tears when my sister told him to do it himself. His astonishing ignorance also extends to basic hygiene. FML

#20763424
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40339) - you deserved it (4738)

On 07/04/2013 at 12:27pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, while using a restroom in Walmart, an old lady with a cane hobbled in screaming, "I smell someone making sin!" She would not stop tapping on the door with her cane till I came out. FML

#20808725
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45017) - you deserved it (3052)

On 07/28/2013 at 10:16pm - health - by DreamStatic - United States (Georgia)

Today, my girlfriend of six weeks dumped me when she learned that Macedonia, where I was born, is in Europe. Apparently, she thought that I was "Asian" and she doesn't want to date a "white guy." Yeah, I'm totally confused too. FML

#20782409
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56657) - you deserved it (3760)

On 07/14/2013 at 4:08pm - love - by WTF (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I got fired from my job as a seafood manager because an entire wedding group came in and started yelling at me, saying the shrimp was horrible and I ruined their wedding. They showed me the leftovers; they never cooked them. They fed raw shrimp at a wedding dinner party. FML

#20796202
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52784) - you deserved it (3769)

On 07/21/2013 at 7:20pm - work - by Gross (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I bought a device that plays a high-pitched sound to teach my dog to quit barking. She's smart enough to learn that as long as she barks loud enough and long enough, she can't hear it. Quite the opposite effect to what I was anticipating. FML

#20811031
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45938) - you deserved it (6490)

On 07/30/2013 at 2:42am - animals - by Bug8Frog - United States (Alaska)

Today, I found out why we've had to replace 3 washing machines this year. My sister thinks that "huge capacity" means "load the washing machine until no more clothes will fit." It blows the motor every time. She's 31. FML

#20806007
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50645) - you deserved it (4023)

On 07/27/2013 at 5:26am - misc - by kilamo80 (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was moving to my new apartment. I left some furniture outside as I drove to dump the first load at my new place. When I got back, everything was gone. Apparently, today is the day the donation truck was coming around to take everything we don't need. FML

#20768180
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50070) - you deserved it (24405)

On 07/07/2013 at 2:35am - misc - by lostmystuff (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to a big job interview. Eventually, the guy subtly enquired about my political beliefs. He seemed pretty laid-back and cool, so I told him, at which point he just chuckled and told me to leave. When I threatened to report him, he just said, "Who're they gonna believe, you or me?" FML

#20769050
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44975) - you deserved it (7955)

On 07/07/2013 at 5:27pm - work - by touche :/ (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up with horrible pain in my gut. It got worse and worse, and I started vomiting from the pain. My mom said it was flu and that I needed to "man up." It turned out to be appendicitis, and I'm now typing this from my hospital bed. FML

#20777668
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56039) - you deserved it (3040)

On 07/12/2013 at 1:28pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, because I refused to shave off what my wife calls my "pedo 'stache", she painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van. FML

#20807393
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43233) - you deserved it (28972)

On 07/28/2013 at 12:59am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was taken to the hospital after I fell down the stairs. The physician who saw me bit his lip and said he would have to amputate my foot, and I fainted in terror. One of the nurses later told me to "learn to take a damn joke." FML

#20804580
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51400) - you deserved it (9807)

On 07/26/2013 at 12:25pm - health - by picklebug (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was in the shower, oblivious to the outside world, when four police officers who had apparently been banging at my door, entered by force. They were doing a bust on a weed farm and got the wrong house. FML

#20811532
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56587) - you deserved it (3473)

On 07/30/2013 at 1:32pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: