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July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my girlfriend wanted to try something new in the bedroom, so she got an assortment of different sized cock rings. She laughed when the one we were trying to use kept falling off, and said to try a smaller one. It was the smallest in the set. FML

#20807595
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62758) - you deserved it (8931)

On 07/28/2013 at 3:45am - intimacy - by microlovin (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend nicknamed my vagina after a local waterpark. It wasn't even that annoying until his friends started asking me how much I charged to let people "ride n' slide". FML

#20768896
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56968) - you deserved it (5912)

On 07/07/2013 at 4:07pm - intimacy - by roseland (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was shopping with my girlfriend, when a girl came out of nowhere, screaming at me for cheating on her, and saying she was dumping me. I've never seen her before, and she was almost grinning during her little act, but my girlfriend believed it, and I'm now single. FML

#20779978
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67237) - you deserved it (3917)

On 07/13/2013 at 1:33pm - love - by fuckingtrollingskankwhoreshitwankcuntfuck (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, the guy whose son I babysat for six hours straight confessed to being broke, then actually asked if he could pay me with sex instead. FML

#20797604
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53613) - you deserved it (4082)

On 07/22/2013 at 1:47pm - work - by nowimbroketoo (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I learned that my wife used to strip while in college. I found this out when I brought her to a work party and my boss recognized her. FML

#20800769
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53336) - you deserved it (4107)

On 07/24/2013 at 3:33am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my daughter asked me to get her razors. When my 19-year-old son saw them he asked what they were for, to which my daughter replied, "For my armpits." My son then said, "Girls don't grow armpit hair." FML

#20764467
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45301) - you deserved it (6361)

On 07/05/2013 at 12:59am - kids - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I walked in on my 14-year-old son apparently practicing his oral sex skills on the crotch of one of his sister's Barbie dolls. FML

#20765717
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54100) - you deserved it (5148)

On 07/05/2013 at 6:45pm - kids - by The fuck, junior? (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, a coworker complimented me on losing weight, and said that she wished she could drop a few pounds too. I was too embarrassed to tell her that the only reason I've lost weight is because I haven't been able to afford to eat. FML

#20775505
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58263) - you deserved it (3691)

On 07/11/2013 at 2:20am - work - by shouldbehappyiguess (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my sister announced her pregnancy at my husband's funeral. FML

#20782670
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60170) - you deserved it (3008)

On 07/14/2013 at 6:52pm - misc - by thatsfine (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I had to help my constipated dog by squeezing crap out of her butt. This is a daily occurrence. FML

Today, a man stopped me on the street. He said the stretch marks on my thighs looked like cuts, and asked me if I self-harmed. Before I was able to politely respond "No", he said, "I mean, I can see why you would." FML

#20794407
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47809) - you deserved it (3748)

On 07/20/2013 at 5:31pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I realised that I can tell my 6 cats apart by the sound of their paws on the carpet. I think I need friends. FML

#20803453
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47057) - you deserved it (9245)

On 07/25/2013 at 8:13pm - misc - by Anonymous - South Africa

Today, I found out my "wonderful" boyfriend was recently dumped by another woman, not just after he started stalking her, but after he wrote her a love letter in his own blood. FML

#20792358
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52736) - you deserved it (3909)

On 07/19/2013 at 1:34pm - love - by cheated (woman) - United States (North Carolina)



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