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May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I overheard my boyfriend admitting that he's only dating me because having me around "sucks a bit less than fucking my own hand". FML

#20639297
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50505) - you deserved it (4871)

On 05/03/2013 at 5:00pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany

Today, I invited my boyfriend to come to an event to meet some of my friends for the first time. I had been raving about him for weeks, and everyone was curious to meet this "amazing guy" I'd been dating. He showed up in a Darth Vader costume because he thought it would be funny to embarrass me. FML

#20688373
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48719) - you deserved it (10421)

On 05/26/2013 at 11:14pm - love - by JJLight (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while sitting at a red light with my window down, the asshat next to me flicked his still-lit cigarette away. It landed in my car and wedged between me and my seat. It burned a hole in my shirt and my seat, and burned my back and hair. FML

#20665470
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44983) - you deserved it (3073)

On 05/15/2013 at 5:47pm - work - by Seriously? (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while grieving over the loss of my Grandpa, I called my girlfriend for comfort. After I had cheered up, she said, "Don't worry, he went to Hell anyway." FML

#20679293
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43363) - you deserved it (3259)

On 05/22/2013 at 3:14am - misc - by SadPuppy - United States

Today, I was working at a place where if you're tipped, you sing. After a lady paid for her ice cream, she pulled out 5 dollars. Thinking it was a tip, I took it, and sang the song. She didn't mean to tip me. I was stopped by the woman slapping me. FML

#20690062
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43273) - you deserved it (13975)

On 05/27/2013 at 8:56pm - work - by anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my parents decided that since summer is almost here, it's a great opportunity to start having nude barbecues. I found this out after walking out into the backyard, hoping to sun myself a little, only to see the living nightmare that is my parents' naked bodies. FML

#20686007
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49872) - you deserved it (4557)

On 05/25/2013 at 6:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend had someone else dump me via text message. I knew it wasn't her because for once I wasn't being viciously insulted, and it wasn't written as if an illiterate baboon had taken a shit all over her keypad. I can't even feel happy about being rid of her. FML

#20684326
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40981) - you deserved it (6339)

On 05/24/2013 at 7:42pm - love - by yesguysgetabusedtoo (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I was torn from my car and slammed against the hood because a canister of window-cleaning wipes I keep in my glove compartment apparently looks vaguely like a pipe-bomb. My lawyer agreed with the cops, and won't handle the "excessive force" case I threatened the police with. FML

#20683298
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41546) - you deserved it (3949)

On 05/24/2013 at 3:42am - misc - by JDziewaltowski (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend forced me to do stretching exercises with him before and after sex as a "safety precaution". FML

#20645667
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53530) - you deserved it (8788)

On 05/06/2013 at 3:58pm - intimacy - by stretchy - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was on a date with this guy I just met and we went to a fancy restaurant. Halfway through the meal, there was an awkward silence, and he decided to end it by saying "You know, you chew like a cow." FML

#20670019
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41836) - you deserved it (12150)

On 05/17/2013 at 10:59pm - love - by moo... -

Today, my crazy neighbor came up to me in the street and slapped me across the face, accusing me of leering through her restroom window while she showered. I'm gay. FML

#20636451
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45101) - you deserved it (6220)

On 05/02/2013 at 4:27am - misc - by inyobeddd (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mom took me to a bar to cheer me up after being dumped. Two cute guys around my age kept looking over at us the whole night. When I told my mom, she said she was going to get them to come talk to me. Instead, she ended up leaving with both of them. FML

#20679725
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56539) - you deserved it (4756)

On 05/22/2013 at 1:10pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my wife told me that getting in the mood to have sex with me is like trying to get in the mood to hit the treadmill. FML

#20638629
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58219) - you deserved it (7974)

On 05/03/2013 at 8:13am - intimacy - by Who1s269 (man) - United States



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