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May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my nose started running while in bed with my boyfriend. I kept trying to wipe it off with my arm to avoid ruining the moment. My boyfriend then looks up at me in horror. Turns out it wasn't mucus; it was blood. And it was all over his neck, his shirt, and his silk sheets. FML

#20647224
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65359) - you deserved it (12808)

On 05/07/2013 at 3:29am - intimacy - by Sirah90 (woman) - United States

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend of 7 years with another woman. He panicked and blamed it on the "long distance" and how we "never see each other". We've lived in the same neighbourhood since we were 5 years old, and we've lived together for the past four years. FML

#20649796
117 comments

Today, my boyfriend bought me a silver necklace. I have a silver allergy, but I thanked him anyway and encouraged him to return it. I found out later that he knew about my allergy all along and bought it on purpose so he could return it, get a refund, and still look good. FML

#20652174
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60465) - you deserved it (4804)

On 05/09/2013 at 3:12pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Oslo)

Today, I got a new cat. It was fine for a couple of hours until it gave birth in my kitchen. The seller claims to have no idea that it was pregnant. Now I have to take care of 7 cats instead of 2. FML

#20676137
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40337) - you deserved it (6422)

On 05/20/2013 at 7:23pm - animals - by catcraze - United States (Colorado)

Today, I'm planning my big sister's wedding. My long-term, live-in boyfriend walked by and saw me looking at the wedding tab on Pinterest, smirked, and said, "Don't get your hopes up." I had. FML

#20674650
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52343) - you deserved it (7809)

On 05/20/2013 at 12:47am - love - by ForeverAlone (woman) - United States

Today, I accidentally hit a cyclist with my car. In panic, I jumped out of my car and ran up to him, who was lying on the floor, motionless. As I was about to check his pulse, he jumped up and shouted, "I bet you thought I was dead, asshole!" He then punched me in the face and cycled off. FML

#20688904
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53261) - you deserved it (24594)

On 05/27/2013 at 7:19am - misc - by i hit a cyclist (man) - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

Today, while on an escalator, instead of just telling me my underwear label was hanging out of my jeans, a woman behind me decided to tuck the label in herself. You should never have to feel a stranger's finger on your butt crack. FML

#20666690
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51770) - you deserved it (4970)

On 05/16/2013 at 6:24am - misc - by violatedbuttcrack - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate on the bathroom floor. Somehow my nose managed to start bleeding, so he bent me over the tub and kept going because he didn't want to "ruin the moment". FML

#20694473
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56957) - you deserved it (9439)

On 05/29/2013 at 11:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my ex-boyfriend called my parents to let them know I broke up with him. He was sobbing. FML

#20664891
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44189) - you deserved it (9880)

On 05/15/2013 at 11:16am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, through sheer luck, I got talking to an actor from the Harry Potter films who I've had a crush on since I was about ten. I tried to play it cool, and pretend I didn't know who he was. Then my phone rang, with the Harry Potter theme tune. FML

#20633236
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24735) - you deserved it (44207)

On 04/30/2013 at 6:23pm - misc - by itsellie27 (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my new neighbor moved in. Because she was fairly young, I offered to mow her grass whenever it needed cut. Her dad then tried to start a fight with me because he thought it was sexual come-on. FML

#20663640
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40654) - you deserved it (6701)

On 05/14/2013 at 7:52pm - misc - by Brenden - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate in the backseat of his car, when a police car pulled up behind us. My mom later told me that intimacy was fine, just not in a car. We were in the car because she told me that intimacy was fine, just not in her house. FML

#20677651
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53941) - you deserved it (12350)

On 05/21/2013 at 12:09pm - intimacy - by backseatbusted (woman) - United States

Today, I was torn from my car and slammed against the hood because a canister of window-cleaning wipes I keep in my glove compartment apparently looks vaguely like a pipe-bomb. My lawyer agreed with the cops, and won't handle the "excessive force" case I threatened the police with. FML

#20683298
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43308) - you deserved it (4114)

On 05/24/2013 at 3:42am - misc - by JDziewaltowski (man) - United States



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