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May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, in a public restroom, an elderly lady started bitching me out for not washing my hands. I was so intimidated that I did so under her accusing watch. I'm quite intolerant to many soaps, and I now have a horrible rash on my left hand because I was too frightened to explain. FML

#20695638
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40915) - you deserved it (16629)

On 05/30/2013 at 5:18pm - health - by :( (woman) - Japan (Tokyo)

Today, my girlfriend decided to wake me up from a nap by kissing me. I started kissing her back passionately, when she slapped me. Apparently, kissing her back automatically without "confirming her identity" counts as cheating. FML

#20688020
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61483) - you deserved it (4168)

On 05/26/2013 at 8:21pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, the neighbors in the next apartment reported me to the police for screaming at my newborn to "shut the hell up" every time he cries. I would never yell at my baby. My asshole of a dog on the other hand barks at everything, which terrifies the baby, causing him to cry. FML

Today, by pure chance, I found the website where my boyfriend has been getting all the cute, "original" romantic texts he sends me, including the one that made me fall in love with him to begin with. FML

#20651954
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46840) - you deserved it (9549)

On 05/09/2013 at 12:30pm - love - by Anonymous - Saudi Arabia (Makkah)

Today, I thought the public restroom I was in was empty, so I started rapping. I realized the room was not empty when, recognizing the song, the person one stall over joined in. FML

#20677562
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27362) - you deserved it (39637)

On 05/21/2013 at 11:01am - misc - by crappingrapping - United States

Today, I uttered the phrase "the pot calling the kettle black" in class. Moments later, I'd been called a "racist twerp" and kicked out of class by the same English teacher who once tried to have another kid suspended for using the word "titillate", because apparently it's "pornographic". FML

#20695090
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50083) - you deserved it (4146)

On 05/30/2013 at 11:20am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, I was roasting marshmallows around a campfire when mine burst into flames. I instinctively shook the stick to get it to go out. The flaming marshmallow then catapulted straight into my eye, burning my whole eyelid. FML

#20672246
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44152) - you deserved it (25724)

On 05/19/2013 at 1:26am - misc - by Devin - United States

Today, my bathroom flooded. I frantically cleaned my apartment as fast as I could before the plumber arrived. Everything was finally clean when I let him in. It wasn't until after he finished that I noticed I'd left my anal beads in the shower. There's no way he didn't notice. FML

#20634924
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28556) - you deserved it (55201)

On 05/01/2013 at 2:41pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my stalker ex girlfriend turned up at my wedding, uninvited, wearing a wedding dress. FML

#20655660
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (91894) - you deserved it (5812)

On 05/11/2013 at 2:25am - love - by tdrtnlz - United Kingdom (Warwickshire)

Today, I got a tattoo of the snake and staff medical symbol on my wrist. Now everyone keeps asking what illness I have; they think it's a medical bracelet substitute. FML

#20666917
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21709) - you deserved it (38413)

On 05/16/2013 at 11:01am - misc - by Calaraphea (woman) - United Kingdom (Warrington)

Today, one of my boyfriend's friends commented on how small my boobs are. My boyfriend defended me, saying it was only because I was wearing a sports bra. I wasn't. It was the push-up bra he bought me. FML

#20686053
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53076) - you deserved it (4682)

On 05/25/2013 at 7:12pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, as with every day, I had to endure my roommate talking to his wife in a baby voice. This is a grown man, who has had a beard since junior high, who literally talks to her like you would a puppy or a baby. Someone kill me. FML

Today, at the supermarket, a man collapsed. I gave CPR while the cashier called for help. During this, the other patrons were complaining that no other register was open. Once the ambulance arrived, I returned to my cart to find items removed and 40 dollars taken from my purse. FML

#20666447
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69518) - you deserved it (3873)

On 05/16/2013 at 12:39am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)



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