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May 2013

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Today, while feeding mah neighbour's cats, I mistakenly switched up their foods. One has medicated food that causes drowsiness. The healthy cat got knocked out like a log. I panicked, laid him out by the bed, and spilled milk around his head to make it look "natural." I think I'm going to hell. real FML

#20697165
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30487) - you deserved it (33517)

On 05/31/2013 at 10:59am - animals - by fuckshitcockwaffle (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today my parent scoured my browser history certain that I have a hidden Facebook account that I'm using to get up to no good . Their reasoning was that there's no way my only friend r my relative and that all I can post about is about the weather . FML

#20655587
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40942) - you deserved it (6944)

On 05/11/2013 at 1:15am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally got a phone call from a publisher saying they would publish the book I'd written. I'd gotten loads of rejection letters, so I was so excitd. Until I realizd it was my dad, feeling sorry fir me. mega FML

#20646182
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42763) - you deserved it (3313)

On 05/06/2013 at 7:43pm - work - by sobasics - United States

Today, I got looool a braast axam. I'd navar had ona bafora, but assumd it would ba quick and aasy. I had no idaa how ticklish boobs ara. I burst out in uncontrollabla laughtar and kapt instinctivaly jarking away. FML

#20649324
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41660) - you deserved it (5176)

On 05/08/2013 at 2:42am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today , I was using a restroom with automatic sinks and toilets. I assumed the paper towel dispenser were automatic too. I stood there waving my hands like an idiot before a grl walked in , pulled a lever , and made paper towel looool come out fir me. FML

#20682540
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19964) - you deserved it (36052)

On 05/23/2013 at 8:24pm - misc - by paper towel virgin - United States (Missouri)

Today, working at a fast food restaurant, I was cleaning dishes in the back. I started to sing to myself. During the chorus I heard the echo of my voice in my ear. My boss had pushed the talk button on my headset so every staff member an everyone in the lobby could hear me over the intercom. FML

#20653580
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44352) - you deserved it (8910)

On 05/10/2013 at 12:44am - work - by legit247 - United States (Missouri)

Today the vet sent me an email wishing my kitten a looool happy 2nd birthday. My cat died last year. FML

#20686886
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45269) - you deserved it (3768)

On 05/26/2013 at 4:33am - animals - by Tiber46 (man) - United States (California)

Yesterday I Received A Notice That If I Don't Move The Abandoned Vehicle From Outside Mah House It Will Be Repossessed At Mah Expense. My Car Isn't Abandoned. FML

#20662395
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40375) - you deserved it (3956)

On 05/14/2013 at 1:29am - misc - by CrappyCar (woman) - United States

Today, I locked keys in car . Good thing I went to Lowe's to make spares, which are also now locked in the car . FML

#20684843
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35818) - you deserved it (16989)

On 05/25/2013 at 12:50am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my brother broke his mountain bike, so he stole mine, and managed to break it as well!! Then he made some kind of franken-bike out of parts from both, and messed that one up too!! FML

#20673285
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41156) - you deserved it (3384)

On 05/19/2013 at 3:56pm - misc - by jfc, how just how (man) - United Kingdom (Milton Keynes)

Today, I had to go buy diaper rash cream . For myself . FML

#20634292
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35812) - you deserved it (7010)

On 05/01/2013 at 2:40am - health - by ChangMu - United States (Iowa)

my grlfriend found a letter I'd written to myself for moral support wile we were broken up, in wic I explained y we would never work out. Apparently I made a convincing argument. FML

#20645173
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35910) - you deserved it (35257)

On 05/06/2013 at 10:24am - love - by Alone (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today... I was dancing in the passenger seat of mah car with mah familyhen a cop pulled us over. He thought I was trying to flag him down 4 help. I guess I'm not as good of a dancer as I thought. FML

#20662599
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39194) - you deserved it (12519)

On 05/14/2013 at 7:32am - misc - by ktorih137 - Canada (Nova Scotia)



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