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May 2013

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Today, while feeding my neighbour's cats, I mistakenly switched up their foods. One has medicated food that causes drowsiness. The healthy cat got knocked out like a log. I panicked, laid him out by the bed, and spilled milk around his head to make it look "natural." I think I'm going to hell. FML

#20697165
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31617) - you deserved it (34914)

On 05/31/2013 at 10:59am - animals - by fuckshitcockwaffle (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my parents scoured my browser history, certain that I have a hidden Facebook account that I'm using to get up to no good. Their reasoning was that there's no way my only friends are my relatives and that all I can post about is about the weather. FML

#20655587
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40992) - you deserved it (6946)

On 05/11/2013 at 1:15am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally got a phone call from a publisher saying they would publish the book I'd written. I'd gotten loads of rejection letters, so I was so excited. Until I realized it was my dad, feeling sorry for me. FML

#20646182
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42808) - you deserved it (3318)

On 05/06/2013 at 7:43pm - work - by sobasics - United States

Today, I got a breast exam. I'd never had one before, but assumed it would be quick and easy. I had no idea how ticklish my boobs are. I burst out in uncontrollable laughter and kept instinctively jerking away. FML

#20649324
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41707) - you deserved it (5179)

On 05/08/2013 at 2:42am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was using a restroom with automatic sinks and toilets. I assumed the paper towel dispensers were automatic too. I stood there waving my hands like an idiot before a girl walked in, pulled a lever, and made paper towels come out for me. FML

#20682540
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20795) - you deserved it (37653)

On 05/23/2013 at 8:24pm - misc - by paper towel virgin - United States (Missouri)

Today, I had to go buy diaper rash cream. For myself. FML

#20634292
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35853) - you deserved it (7013)

On 05/01/2013 at 2:40am - health - by ChangMu - United States (Iowa)

Today, working at a fast food restaurant, I was cleaning dishes in the back. I started to sing to myself. During the chorus I heard the echo of my voice in my ear. My boss had pushed the talk button on my headset so every staff member and everyone in the lobby could hear me over the intercom. FML

#20653580
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44394) - you deserved it (8915)

On 05/10/2013 at 12:44am - work - by legit247 - United States (Missouri)

Today, the vet sent me an email wishing my kitten a happy 2nd birthday. My cat died last year. FML

#20686886
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45328) - you deserved it (3772)

On 05/26/2013 at 4:33am - animals - by Tiber46 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I received a notice that if I don't move the abandoned vehicle from outside my house it will be repossessed at my expense. My car isn't abandoned. FML

#20662395
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40420) - you deserved it (3957)

On 05/14/2013 at 1:29am - misc - by CrappyCar (woman) - United States

Today, I locked my keys in my car. Good thing I went to Lowe's to make spares, which are also now locked in the car. FML

#20684843
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35856) - you deserved it (17005)

On 05/25/2013 at 12:50am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my brother broke his mountain bike, so he stole mine, and managed to break it as well. Then he made some kind of franken-bike out of parts from both, and messed that one up too. FML

#20673285
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41207) - you deserved it (3386)

On 05/19/2013 at 3:56pm - misc - by jfc, how just how (man) - United Kingdom (Milton Keynes)

Today, some jackass in an Iron Man mask nailed me in the head with a quarter while I was helping other customers. Minimum wage isn't worth this crap. FML

#20696570
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41381) - you deserved it (3489)

On 05/31/2013 at 12:05am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my girlfriend found a letter I'd written to myself for moral support while we were broken up, in which I explained why we would never work out. Apparently I made a convincing argument. FML

#20645173
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35955) - you deserved it (35288)

On 05/06/2013 at 10:24am - love - by Alone (man) - United States (North Carolina)



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