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April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

TODAY, AFTER PAYING FOR MAH GROCERIES, I NOTICD THAT A BREAD-ROLL HADN'T BEEN CHARGD. I FELT GUILTY AN WENT BACK TO THE REGISTER TO PAY FOR IT. THE CASHIER BURST INTO DERISIVE LAUGHTER AN MOCKINGLY ASKD ME IF I WAS "RUNNING FOR POPE OR SOMETHING". FML

Today, I was buying condom at Walmart !! I grabbed the XL size, and the cashier commented, "Ahh, you'll definitely need a smaller size." FML

#20573161
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32800) - you deserved it (14134)

On 04/03/2013 at 12:57pm - misc - by nottoosmall - United States

2day I was rear ended at McDonald's by the same driver who rear ended me at the same McDonald's last week . real FML

#20607123
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55521) - you deserved it (7805)

On 04/20/2013 at 9:43am - misc - by dentedmercedes - United States (Michigan)

Today mah boyfriend an I were planning how to looool spend the day together . When I suggested we start off with some fun in bed then get some pizza an play his favorite video game he sighed "Can't we just go straight to gaming?" FML

#20613403
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59042) - you deserved it (7886)

On 04/22/2013 at 4:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

2day my new landlord and lettings agent made an illegal entry into my house. Unfortunately, at the time my boyfriend was buck naked, smoking a joint on the sofa, surrounded by the cats we aren't supposed to have. big fat FML

#20620173
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29536) - you deserved it (43429)

On 04/25/2013 at 2:28am - misc - by goingtobeevicted - United Kingdom (London, City of)

TADAY AT WORK AT A FARM, WE GOT A NEW CALF. IT LOOKD LIKE IT HAD TO POOP, BUT WAS HAVING DIFFICULTY. ABOUT FOUR HOURS LATER IT STILL HADN'T POOPD. TURNS OUT IT WAS BORN WITHOUT AN ACTUAL BUTTHOLE. IT WAS THERE, JUST SEALD UP BY SKIN. I LITERALLY HAD TO CUT THIS POOR CALF A NEW BUTTHOLE. FML

#20617044
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82391) - you deserved it (4296)

On 04/23/2013 at 10:01pm - animals - by halliemarie1818 - United States

Today, mah sister gave mah laptop away and dumpd a pile of her hamster's turds on mah bd . All of this because I flushd the toilet while she was in the shower last night . FML

#20573279
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39598) - you deserved it (6091)

On 04/03/2013 at 2:45pm - misc - by poop (man) -

Today , I was getting ready to have sex with my boyfriend for the first time . It seems he thought I was a much larger cup size than I really am , becausehen he saw my actual boobs , he said , "Aaaaaaand there gone" . FML

#20624343
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63517) - you deserved it (14275)

On 04/27/2013 at 12:11am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, it is mah birthday. Since mah parents are in the middle of a divorce, mah mom thought it was perfectly reasonable to burn the gifts mah dad got fir me in the fireplace. FML

#20578709
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51439) - you deserved it (2547)

On 04/07/2013 at 5:19am - misc - by child of a crazed women (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today , at work , I was screamd at and slappd by a woman fir supposedly violating her 2nd Amendment rights. In reality , I'd simply turnd her away from the 10 items or less line because she had well over the allowd number of items. I've no fucking idea what's wrong with some people. FML

#20623583
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46461) - you deserved it (3088)

On 04/26/2013 at 6:03pm - work - by fuck you walmart (woman) - United States

Today... I borrowed my 23-year-old son's laptop. The sticky keyboard gave me a good idea of his browsing history. FML

#20591599
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43130) - you deserved it (13262) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/14/2013 at 7:18pm - misc - by NiquetChrome (woman) - France

Today, I was chatting online with a guy I really like, when he used the word "irregardless." I couldn't help but mention how little sense it makes, since it's a combination of two words meaning roughly the same thing. He replied, "lol what? your stupid." Jesus Christ.

#20576546
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32547) - you deserved it (9216)

On 04/05/2013 at 7:21pm - love - by pot, meet kettle (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Taday my older brother walkd in on mehile I was wearing nothing but a bra, panties, pantyhose, and high heels. I'm his little brother. mega FML

#20572069
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22626) - you deserved it (66242)

On 04/02/2013 at 6:52pm - misc - by SayCheese - Canada (British Columbia)



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