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Thursday 20 February 2014

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Today, I walked into my apartment and smelled something extremely repugnant. I asked my roommate what had happened and she said, "I didn't know how else to kill it!" She'd trapped a bat that was in our apartment, put it in the oven, and set it to 400 degrees. FML

by BakedBat / 02/20/2014 at 11:10pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw a photo on my mother-in-law's Facebook, proudly showing off the horrible job she'd done of painting her car. I sarcastically commented that I wouldn't inflict that on my worst enemy's ride. An hour later, she came by and emptied a bucket of paint over my windshield. FML

by time to lawyer up / 02/20/2014 at 4:20pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a family reunion. I laughed at my uncle's Sylvester Stallone impression. Turns out he had a stroke a while back. FML

by heyadrian / 02/20/2014 at 11:06am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I watched my brother attempt to cook some eggs without turning the gas on. FML

by Anonymous / 02/20/2014 at 5:01am / United Kingdom (Worcestershire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the arcade with my dad, and we decided to try out the hurricane simulator, which blasts 60mph air around in an enclosed space. My dad farted halfway through. FML

by begging for air / 02/20/2014 at 12:45pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom and I flew three hours from Wyoming to a volleyball camp in Kentucky. When we arrived, we went to the volleyball center and told them I was there for the volleyball camp. They told me it had been cancelled two weeks ago and they forgot to call us. FML

by maddengirl12 / 02/20/2014 at 3:57am / United States / Transportation

Today, I was doing a science presentation about glucose. There was around 20 judges at the event who could've judged me, but instead I got judged by the only person in the whole entire world who doesn't know what glucose is and doesn't think it exists. FML

by anonymous / 02/20/2014 at 12:27am / Canada (British Columbia) / Work

Today, at my therapy appointment, I was spilling my guts to my therapist. When I'd finished, to get rid of the awkward silence, I asked, "I'm not crazy, right?" His response was, "That's bit of a loaded question." FML

by Anonymous / 02/20/2014 at 9:46pm / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, I was beating the hell out of one of the most useless employees ever. I mean really laying into him, all while telling him for the umpteenth time how to do his job right. Then my husband informed me I was hitting him in my sleep. FML

by management / 02/20/2014 at 9:31pm / United States / Work