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Friday 10 January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I'm trapped in my apartment, due to the fact that five raccoons have decided to sit outside my only door and prevent me from getting out. Every time I look at one, they hiss at me. FML

#21023350
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45596) - you deserved it (5563)

On 01/10/2014 at 6:15am - animals - by RaccoonFever - United States (California)

Today, I joked with a pregnant girl in a state juvenile correctional facility where I work that eating a lot of candy would damage the unborn baby's teeth. Without batting an eye, she responded that she would simply "eat some toothpaste after the candy." FML

Today, my grandpa took my face in both hands, kissed me on the lips, said "Now you can tell all your friends you've had your first kiss," and walked out of the room. FML

#21023495
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51232) - you deserved it (4822)

On 01/10/2014 at 11:47am - misc - by wtf - United States (New York)

Today, I realized I willingly support my boyfriend's alcoholism, because the only time he says "I love you" is when he's blind drunk. FML

#21023769
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38972) - you deserved it (16986)

On 01/10/2014 at 6:05pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend saw a YouTube video of a guy throwing boiling water into the cold air, with the water immediately turning to ice and vapor. He copied it, but only succeeded in dousing himself with boiling water, then making me drive his idiot self to the hospital. FML

#21023480
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46584) - you deserved it (5472)

On 01/10/2014 at 11:12am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, after working my shift at McDonalds, I went to clock in at my dispatch job. During a 911 call, I blurted, "Would you like to try the McRib while it's back?" FML

#21023934
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50079) - you deserved it (9285)

On 01/10/2014 at 9:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my new neighbor asked if I could keep my dog from yapping during the evenings, because it kept him awake last night. I don't have a dog, but I apologized anyway. I didn't have the heart to admit that those are the sounds my girlfriend makes during sex. FML

#21023843
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54052) - you deserved it (8251)

On 01/10/2014 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by lukas (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boss hung a dartboard in his office. It has a printout of my employee photo taped to it. FML

#21023884
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40768) - you deserved it (4638)

On 01/10/2014 at 8:20pm - work - by lk mm, n vwls (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, it was my first day at my new job. Not only does everyone hate me for replacing a guy they all liked, I managed to clog the only functional toilet there. The glares and threatening head-shaking they keep doing probably means I'm screwed. FML

#21023700
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42594) - you deserved it (5577)

On 01/10/2014 at 4:46pm - work - by shite (man) - United Kingdom

Today, we were playing charades at school. My word was "head", so I pointed to my face. Nobody on my team got it. But they did guess, "Ugly?!" FML

#21024059
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44506) - you deserved it (4711)

On 01/10/2014 at 11:02pm - misc - by kyyle - United States (Illinois)



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